Our
children bring us incredible joy. Yet, there are times
that they can bring out the anger in us. It is helpful
to identify the things that provoke your anger so
you can make positive changes in your household.
What
sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant
in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a
regular basis that they become blown out of proportion.
Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger
anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering,
and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most
bother you and set about making a plan to correct
each problem that sets off your anger.
Notice
your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots”
in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface.
These are typically times when family members are
tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us
more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early
morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime.
You may also encounter situations when misbehavior
increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping,
playdates, or family visits, for example.
Set
a plan
Determine if there are things you can do differently
to ward off some of the issues that spark your anger.
For example, if the morning rush brings stress, you
can prepare things the night before: set out clothing,
pack lunches, collect shoes. Then create a “morning
poster” that outlines the daily routine step-by-step.
If you
find that tempers are shorter in the hour before dinner,
set out healthy appetizers, enlist the kids’
help in preparing dinner, get the kids involved in
a craft activity, or plan an earlier meal time.
Doing
things the way you’ve always done them and expecting
different results only leaves you frustrated and angry.
Instead, identify your anger triggers and take action
to change things for the better.
Learn
something new
Once you’ve identified a problem, consider several
options for solving it. Jot down possible alternatives
on paper, or talk it over with another adult. Read
through a few parenting books and check the indexes
for your topic. Visit an online parenting chat group
or posting board. There’s no reason for you
to make decisions in a vacuum – I guarantee
that the problems you are dealing with are common
and there are lots of sources for solutions.
Be
flexible
Anger is not something that can be dealt with once
and then will go away. Your children grow and change,
and new issues appear. From time to time take a fresh
look at the issues that create negative emotions in
your family and take action to change things for the
better.
Let
love help
And, finally, at times of anger, hold on to the feeling
of love that is the foundation of your relationship
with your child. Take time every day to bask in the
joy of being a parent. Take time to play, talk and
listen. Hug, kiss and cuddle your child often. When
you build up this foundation of positive love and
emotions you will find yourself less likely to experience
intense anger.
Excerpted
with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The
No-Cry Discipline Solution
(McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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