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The
Baby Blues
By
Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle
Baby Care
- Talk
to someone who understands. Talk to a sibling,
relative or friend with young children about what you
are feeling. Someone who has experienced the baby blues
can help you realize that they are temporary, and everything
will be fine. A confidante can also serve as a checkpoint
who can encourage you to seek help if he or she perceives
that you need it.
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- Reach
out and get out. Simply getting out (if you are
physically able and okayed for this by your health care
provider) and connecting with people at large can go a
long way toward reorienting your perspective. Four walls
can close in very quickly, so change the scenery and head
to the mall, the park, the library, a coffeehouse — whatever
place you enjoy. You’ll feel a sense of pride as
strangers ooh and ahh over your little one, and your baby
will enjoy the stimulation, too.
- Join
a support group. Joining a support group, either
in person or online, can help you sort through your feelings
about new motherhood. Take care to choose a group that
aligns with your core beliefs about parenting a baby.
As an example, if you are committed to breastfeeding,
but most other members of the group are bottlefeeding,
this may not be the best place for you, since your breastfeeding
issues won’t be understood and you won’t find
many helpful ideas among this group. If you have multiples,
a premature baby, or a baby with special needs, for example,
seek out a group for parents with babies like yours. And
within those parameters, look for a group with your same
overall parenting beliefs. Just because you all have twin
babies doesn’t mean you will all choose to parent
them in the same way, so try to find like-minded new friends.
- Tell
Daddy what he can do to help. It’s very
important that your spouse or partner be there for you
right now. He may want to help you, but he may be unsure
of how. Here are a few things that he can do for you —
show him this list to help him help you:
- Understand.
It’s critical that your spouse or partner
feel that you understand that she is going through
a hormonally driven depression that she cannot control
— and that she is not “just being grumpy.”
Tell her you know this is normal, and that she’ll
be feeling better soon. Simply looking over this
list and using some of the ideas will tell her a
lot about your commitment to (and belief in) her.
- Let
her talk about her feelings. Knowing she can talk
to you about her feelings without being judged or
criticized will help her feel much better.
-
Tend to the baby. Taking care of your baby so Mommy
can sleep or take a shower can give her a breath
of fresh air. Have her nurse the baby and then you
can take him for a walk (using a sling will keep
Baby happy) or go on an outing. A benefit for you
is that most babies love to be out and about and
will enjoy this special time with you.
- Step
in to protect her. If she’s overwhelmed with
visitors, kindly explain to company that she needs
a lot of rest. Help her with whatever household
duties usually fall to her (or get someone to help
her) and do what you can to stay on top of yours.
Worry about the house’s cleanliness or laundry
upkeep will do her no good whatsoever. If relatives
offer to take the baby for a few hours, or to help
with the house, take them up on it.
-
Tell her she’s beautiful. Most woman feel
depressed about the way they look after childbirth
— because most still look four months pregnant!
After changing so greatly to accommodate a baby’s
development, a woman’s body takes months to
regain any semblance of normalcy. Be patient with
both her body and her feelings about it. Tell her
what an amazing thing she’s accomplished.
Any compliments that acknowledge her unique beauty
are sure to be greatly appreciated!
-
Tell her you love the baby. Don’t be bashful
about gushing over the baby. Mommy loves to hear
that you’re enraptured with this new little
member of your family.
-
Be affectionate, but be patient about sex. With
all that she’s struggling with physically
and emotionally, weeks may pass before she’s
ready for sex (even if she’s had an OK after
her checkup.) That doesn’t mean she doesn’t
love you or need you — she just needs a little time
to get back to the physical aspects of your sexual
relationship.
-
Tell her you love her. Even when she isn’t
feeling down, she needs to hear this — and right
now it’s more important for her health and
well-being than ever.
-
Get support for you, too. Becoming a father is a
giant step in your life. Open up to a friend about
how it feels to be a Dad, and do things that you
enjoy, too. Taking care of yourself will help you
take care of your new family.
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This
article is an excerpt from Gentle
Baby Care
by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
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