Throught
their children’s childhood, most parents receive an
assortment of pictures and cards containing colorful rainbows,
hearts and words of love--which are all the more precious
because they have been written phonetically. These pictures
and love notes will fill your heart--as well as boxes, files,
and a significant portion of your garage.
If you’re only giving your children cards and notes
on “special” days and holidays you’re missing
out on a wonderful opportunity. Through the written word,
parents can express love, encouragement, appreciation, concern,
and understanding. It’s also an effective way to settle
a misunderstanding, offer an apology, or express constructive
criticism.
During
the turbulent teen years, notes and letters can be a wonderful
way to keep the lines of communication open and to gain a
deeper understanding of your child. And while it’s easy
to let a thoughtless or angry remark slip out of our mouths,
writing notes requires us to be reflective as we carefully
choose the words that will communicate a clear and thoughtful
message.
Sometimes,
older children and teens are more comfortable expressing their
heartfelt emotions through the written, rather than the spoken
word. My teenage daughter writes me notes with a depth of
thoughtfulness and understanding that takes my breath away.
The colorful cards of her childhood have been replaced by
letters that express her growing maturity, love, and the agony
and joy of young adulthood. Whether your child is three years
old or seventeen--cards, notes, and letters, are a great way
to deliver a message of love and understanding.
Here
are some ways to use the written word in your relationship
with your child:
Use
notes to express love.
Children
can’t be told too often that we love them or that we’re
thankful to be their parent. In addition to telling your children
that you love them, leave little love notes in visible places—taped
to the bathroom mirror, by the front door, etc.
Use
notes to express appreciation and thanks.
When your child surprises you by straightening a room or helping
with the dishes, write a quick thank-you note and tape it
where he or she is sure to spot it.
Use
notes to congratulate and celebrate.
Young children love to receive mail. Occasionally, surprise
your child by sending a congratulatory note in the mail. For
example, “Congratulations! You finished your science
project! Let’s celebrate with a scoop of ice cream!”
Use
notes to apologize.
If you lose your temper, or make a mistake that affects your
child, write an apology note. You will be teaching your children
to accept responsibility for their actions and to make amends
to anyone who is harmed by them.
Use
notes to remind.
While verbal reminders can feel like nagging, notes can clearly
list the chores your child is expected to do.
Use
notes to encourage.
When your child will be facing a particular challenge at school,
tuck a note in his lunchbox or backpack saying, “You
can do it,” or, “I have faith in you!”For
older child or teens:
Use
notes to gain understanding and to stay close.
Share a journal with your older child or teen. Pass it back
and forth and keep it in a place where each of you can get
to it and easily express your feelings.
Use
notes to show concern and clear up misunderstandings.
If your child becomes defensive and angry when you try to
correct his behavior, notes can be especially effective. A
thoughtful note can clear up a misunderstanding and help to
ensure that constructive criticism is taken in the spirit
that it is intended.
About the author: Dubbed “The Dream Maker”
by People magazine, Patti Teel is a former teacher and the
author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book, which gives parents
techniques to help their children relax or fall asleep. She
is holding Dream Academy workshops at schools, hospitals,
and libraries across the country where parents and children
learn the playful relaxation techniques from her book and
widely acclaimed children’s audio series. Children at
the Dream Academy workshops practice the three R’s by
resting their bodies, relaxing their minds, and refreshing
their spirits. Visit her online at www.pattiteel.com.
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