Of
course we moms are happy. Our children are our greatest
joy and we are willing to make whatever sacrifices
are necessary in exchange for the privilege of being
a parent. The thing is, though, that sometimes we
sacrifice activities and relationships - sleep, exercise,
friendships –that recharge and refuel us. Without
them, no matter how fulfilling our lives as mothers
may be, we can end up feeling like we’re treading
water.
So
Moms, here’s a call to action to attend to your
personal happiness. Think of it, like we do, as The
Trickle-Down Theory of Familial Happiness: happy
self = happy spouse = happy marriage = happy kids.
If you are unhappy, or if your spouse is unhappy,
it can suck the life out of you and your marriage.
You can wind up taking the whole ship down with you.
We
know this isn’t easy. Most days the three of
us can barely manage to take our shoes off before
collapsing into bed, let alone think deep thoughts
and implement major life changes. But it can be done!
Here is our BPYM Guide to Happiness: How to
Live Happily Ever After in Four Easy Steps (Ha!):
Step
One: Make a happiness shortlist. Figure out
the top three activities that really and truly recharge
you. Is it book club, exercise, time alone, happy
hour…sleep? What do you need on a daily, weekly,
annual basis to make you feel like you’re living
a life?
Step
Two: Your spouse gets to make a list, too.
Because if he isn’t happy, you won’t be
either.
Step
Three: Compare notes. Help each other to
have it all. Let each other know what you need and
be generous with the Get Out of Jail Free Cards.
Step
Four: Figure out what needs to give. To make
time for the happiness essentials, you need to cut
back on other areas. First on the chopping block are
extreme parenting and other perfectionist behaviors.
The Mommy Chip can go haywire like HAL the computer
in 2001: A Space Odyssey, propelling us into high
cost, low value activities done in the name of “giving
our kids the best.” But massive birthday parties
and immaculate homes don’t necessarily equip
our kids for a lifetime of success. A happy mom just
might. Be ruthless. Be lazy. Use your time and energy
on those activities that truly enrich your life or
that of your family.
As Mark
Twain once wrote, “Whoever is happy will make
others happy, too.”
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