Intercede
before it happens
Watch your child during playtime. When you see her
becoming frustrated or angry - intervene. Coach her
through the issue. Teach her what to do, or model
what to say to her friend. Or if she seems too upset
to learn, redirect her attention to another activity
until her emotions level out.
Teach
and explain
It’s one thing to tell a child what not to do
or to step into an argument and solve it yourself.
It’s another thing entirely to teach her what
to do in advance of the next problem. This can be
done through role-play, discussion, and reading a
few children’s books about angry emotions.
Examine
hidden causes
Is your child hungry, tired, sick, jealous, frustrated,
bored or scared? If you can identify any feelings
driving your child’s actions you can address
those along with the aggressive behavior.
Give
more attention to the injured party.
Often the child who hits gets so much attention that
the action becomes a way of gaining the spotlight.
Instead, give more attention to the child who was
hurt. After a brief statement, “No hitting!”
turn and give attention to the child who was wronged,
“Come here and Mommy will give you a hug and
read you a book.”
Teach
positive physical touches.
Show your child how to hold hands during a walk or
how to give a back rub or foot massage. Teach a few
physical games, like tag or cat’s cradle. Under
direct supervision, children who are more physical
can gain a positive outlet for their physical energy.
Teach
the clapping method
Tell a child to clap his hands whenever he feels an
urge to hit. This gives him an immediate outlet for
his emotions and helps him learn to keep his hands
to himself. An alternate is to teach him to put his
hands in his pockets when he feels like hitting. Reward
with praise anytime you see he’s successful.
Give
your child a time out
To use Time Out when a child acts out aggressively,
immediately and gently take the child by the shoulders,
look him in the eye and say, “No hurting others,
time out.” Guide the child to a chair and tell
him, “You may get up when you can play without
hitting.” By telling him that he can get up
when he’s ready, you let him know that he is
responsible for controlling his own behavior. If the
child gets up and hits again, say, “You are
not ready to get up yet,” and direct him back
to time out.
Avoid
play hitting and wrestling
Young children who roughhouse with a parent or sibling
during play time might then use these same actions
during non-wrestling times. It can be hard for them
to draw the line between the two. If you have a child
who has trouble controlling his physical acts then
avoid this kind of play.
Don’t
lose control
When you see your child hurting another child it’s
easy to get angry. This won’t teach your child
what she needs to learn: how to control her emotions
when others are making her mad. You are mad at her,
so she’ll be watching how you handle your anger.
Don’t
let your child watch violent TV or video games
Children can become immune to the impact of violence,
and they may copy what they see depicted on the screen.
Avoid viewing shows that portray aggression as an
appropriate way of handling anger.
Don’t assume your child can figure it
out
If your child comes to you about a difficult situation,
don’t send him away for tattling. But don’t
step in and handle it for him, either. View his call
for help as an invitation to teach him important social
skills.
Don’t
focus on punishment
More than anything your child needs instructions on
how to treat other human beings, particularly during
moments of anger or frustration.
Excerpted
with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The
No-Cry Discipline Solution
(McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
