- Use Eye Contact. Give your children
your eyes when you say, “I love you.” Souls
touch when meaningful eye contact is made during moments
of intimacy. Touch with your eyes. It’s a way of
connecting that helps you bond.
- Touch.
A pat on the back, a hug, or a high-five will add meaning
to verbal expressions of love. So will a slight squeeze
of the shoulder or a kiss. Take your child’s hand
in yours when you say, “I love you,” and add
a tactile component to your words.
- Use
names. The sweetest sound in any language is
the sound of your own name. Names get our attention, build
connectedness and help us connect. Sadly, some children
only hear there own names when they are in trouble. (“William,
you better get in here!”) Add your child’s
name to your expression of love. “I love you, Carlos,”
or “Tadahito, I really love you.” Watch their
reactions. Their facial expressions will encourage you
to continue the practice of adding your child’s
name to, “I love you.”
- Use
the words son and daughter.These
two words can add intense intimacy to your verbal expressions
of love. “I love you, son,” or “I love
you, daughter,” will create an emotion filled statement
that will invite an equally emotional response. Monitor
your personal comfort level as you use these two important
words. Notice your feelings as you say them as well as
the reaction you get from your children.
- Add
non-verbal signals to your spoken message. Smile,
wink, and add pleasant facial expressions to your words.
Make sure the message on your face is congruent with the
one coming out of your mouth.
- Do
not use the word when as part of your vocal communication
of love.
“I love you when you smile like that,” or
“When you choose that happy mood, I love you,”
sends a message to your children that your love is conditional.
Children often near, “I only love you when….”
To love unconditionally, say “I love you,”
without any condition attached.
- Remove
the word but from your description of love. “I
love you, but….” Is usually followed by a
concern, problem, or frustration. When we express our
love along with a concern we send a mixed message. When
we do this children get confused and conclude that the
love part is a manipulation intended to soften them up
before the real message is delivered.
- Add
because you are loveable to your manner of expressing
love.
“I love you because you are loveable,” is
an important concept to help children appreciate. It helps
them understand that your love is attached to nothing.
It simply is. Be careful not to add any other words after
because. “I love you because you are thoughtful,”
adds a condition that communicates conditional love. The
only acceptable phrase to use with because is because
you are loveable.
- Say
“I love you” at unexpected times.
Children often hear our expressions of love at familiar
times. We typically say “I love you” when
we are going out the door on our way to work. We say it
when we end a phone conversation. “I love you”
is often the last communication our children hear as we
tuck them into bed at night. “I love you”
at those times is often expected and certainly anticipated.
To heighten the impact of these three valuable words,
use them at unexpected times. Say them in the middle of
a meal, as you are driving down the road in your car,
or as you stand at the kitchen sink doing dishes together.
Some children
are auditory and near to hear the words, “I love you.”
Others are tactile and need to be touched to feel loved. Still
others are visual and need to see love on your face and in
your actions. Why not give your children all three variations
when you communicate your love?
About
the Authors
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The
10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose 
.
They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising
responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free
monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more
information about how they can help you or your group meet
your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.
