How
the Game is Played
On
any given weekend in thousands of homes across America,
wives stand in front of their husbands listing all
of the selfless acts they have performed in the last
week: "I paid all the bills, bought a birthday
present for your mother, read Goodnight Moon 5 times,
took 4 six-year-olds to Chuck-E-Cheese ... and that
was just Tuesday..."
The
husbands return fire: "Excuse me, but did I not
make the kids breakfast every morning last week, including
the morning it made me late for my presentation, when
I really should have gone in early? And I picked up
the dry-cleaning without being asked, and I did bath
duty three times last week. What more do you want?"
A
volley of personal accomplishments and sacrifices
ensues. Not exactly what we thought life would be
like when we eyed each other across a room all those
years ago, is it? We both end up angry and defensive,
each convinced that we have it tougher. Some people
are habitual scorekeepers, some people just do it
occasionally. But we all do it.
The
Rules
The
game of scorekeeping involves the trading back and
forth of Marriage Capital, or "points,"
between husband and wife. Pay attention here, because
the rules are exceedingly complex. Here's a short
overview:
1.
In most instances, according to husbands, it is the
wife who determines how many points a specific activity
scores: "Why doesn't checking the air in her
tires count, but cleaning the kitchen does?"
"I
always thought that I would get points for yard work.
I'm out there on a Saturday morning trimming the hedges,
mowing the lawn, making it all look pretty and I walk
in and she says, 'Where the heck have you been?'"
- Jacob, married 7 years, 2 kids
2.
Men often think that they have scored major points
(Hey, I was up at the crack of dawn with the kids;
I did all the grocery shopping on the weekend) but
to their wives, activities that count as "doing
his fair share" don't score any points.
3.
In fact, a man may have points deducted because he
expects major kudos for simply pulling his weight.
4.
Positive points have a use-by date. If they are not
used within recent memory of the point-scoring activity,
they expire.
5.
Negative points, however, last indefinitely. Women,
we've been told, keep a detailed mental log of all
infractions and omissions.
"You
get credit for a good deed, but it only lasts for
about 6 months. You have to use it fast. But demerits,
they last forever." — Francisco, married
4 years, 2 kids
6.
In effect, there is no statute of limitations.
"What
do you mean you're going to the game? You only spent
an hour with the kids last weekend! And when your
parents were here last month, I was the one playing
Scrabble with your mother until all hours..."
- Tracy, married 5 years, 2 kids
7.
Advanced-Level Play:
"You
can get multiple points if you actually forgo a golf
game or whatever and tell your wife you want to spend
time with her." — Simon, married 3 years,
1 kid
"No
way. She'd smell a rat." - Vince, married 5 years,
2 kids
