It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than get
permission.
Sandy, a mother of four says she has had a couple
of unplanned pregnancies. “My husband did not want
any more kids,” she says. “I wanted another
baby and he knew that. He put all the responsibility on
me when it came to birth control. I felt like if he really
didn’t want any more kids he could do something about
it. I knew he wouldn’t be happy if I got pregnant
but I thought that he would be okay once we had the baby.”
Don't
ask don't tell.
Diane was dating her boyfriend for several months. When
he moved away they started having a long distance relationship.
Diane says she went to see him for a visit and that was
when she got pregnant with her son. “We weren’t
using birth control. I knew that it wasn’t a good
time to be having sex. I just kind of let things happen.
I figured if he didn’t say stop then I wasn’t
going to say anything.” She says she had convinced
herself that she wouldn’t really get pregnant and
if for some reason she did then it was fate and meant to
happen. She describes it as playing baby “Russian
roulette”.
What
he doesn't know won't hurt him.
Michelle says the baby bug bit her when she was in her twenties.
She had a new boyfriend and just decided she wanted a baby.
She says it was more of an impulse than anything else. Her
boyfriend presumed she was on the pill and she just didn’t
tell him otherwise. She says “I tried a few times
to get pregnant. I intentionally tried to have intercourse
when I knew I was ovulating. Some of my friends tried to
talk some sense into me but I wasn’t thinking clearly
at the time.”
If you
are reading this you may be like one of these moms, having
a “sort of” unplanned pregnancy. Your initial
reaction to finding out you were pregnant may have been excitement;
however, it was likely followed with anxiety. Sandy says telling
her partner was the hardest. She acknowledges, “When
I found out I was pregnant, I immediately had second thoughts.
I remember thinking ‘oh no what have I done’.”
She says, “I would have preferred a planned pregnancy.
It’s hard to enjoy your pregnancy when your husband
is upset about it. He really didn’t want to keep the
baby. We had a lot of fights about this in the beginning.
He is still angry with me about getting pregnant. I don’t
think that he thinks it was for the best but I know he loves
his kids.”
With a
lot of unplanned pregnancies, couples talk things out and
manage to have a happy pregnancy, but not always. Diane says,
“When I told him the news I didn’t get the pleasant
reaction I had somehow thought would happen. We didn’t
magically get married and have the happily ever after that
I had anticipated.” She says that it took her a few
years to rebuild the trust in their relationship. She says,
“We did eventually get married but it was a hard way
to start a relationship.”
Michelle
says she is glad that her impulsiveness did not result in
pregnancy. After only a few months her relationship with her
boyfriend ended. She later met another man, not long after
the break-up, who she eventually married. “It worked
out for the best. If I had have gotten pregnant I would have
had a baby with a man that didn’t love me. Instead,
I settled down, was patient, and met a man that loved me and
wanted to have kids with me”, she says.
Names
changed to protect privacy.
