Controlling
their emotions
Most often these behaviors are caused by a child’s
inability to express or control his emotions. Tiredness,
hunger, boredom, frustration and other causes that
ignite The Big Three can frequently be avoided or
modified. When your child begins a meltdown, try to
determine if you can tell what underlying issue is
causing the problem. Solve that problem and you’ll
likely have your sweet child back again.
Handling
tantrums, fussing and whining
No matter how diligent you are in recognizing trigger
causes, your child will still have meltdown moments.
Or even meltdown days. The following tips can help
you handle those inevitable bumps in the road. Be
flexible and practice those solutions that seem to
bring the best results.
Offer
choices
You may be able to avoid problems by giving your child
more of a say in his life. You can do this by offering
choices. Instead of saying, “Get
ready for bed right now,” which may provoke
a tantrum, offer a choice, “What would you like
to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?”
Children who are busy deciding things are often happy.
Get
eye-to-eye
When you make a request from a distance your child
will likely ignore you. Noncompliance creates stress,
which leads to fussing and tantrums – from both
of you. Instead, get down to your child’s level,
look him in the eye and make clear, concise requests.
This will catch his full attention.
Tell
him what you DO want
Instead of focusing on misbehavior and what you don’t
want him to do, explain exactly what you’d like
your child to do or say instead. Give him simple instructions
to follow.
Validate
his feelings
Help your child identify and understand her emotions.
Give words to her feelings, “You’re sad.
You want to stay here and play. I know.” This
doesn’t mean you must give in to her request,
but letting her know that you understand her problem
may be enough to help her calm down.
Teach
the Quiet Bunny
When children get worked up, their physiological symptoms
keep them in an agitated state. You can teach your
child how to relax and then use this approach when
fussing begins.
You
can start each morning or end each day with a brief
relaxation session. Have your child sit or lie comfortably
with eyes closed. Tell a story that he’s a quiet
bunny. Name body parts (feet, legs, tummy, etc.) and
have your child wiggle it, and then relax it.
Once
your child is familiar with this process you can call
upon it at times when he is agitated. Crouch down
to your child’s level, put your hands on his
shoulders, look him in the eye and say, let’s
do our Quiet Bunny. And then talk him through the
process. Over time, just mentioning it and asking
him to close his eyes will bring relaxation.
Distract
and involve
Children can easily be distracted when a new activity
is suggested. If your child is whining or fussing
try viewing it as an “activity” that your
child is engaged in. Since children aren’t very
good multi-taskers you might be able to end the unpleasant
activity with the recommendation of something different
to do.
Invoke
his imagination
If a child is upset about something, it can help to
vocalize his fantasy of what he wishes would happen:
“I bet you wish we could buy every single toy
in this store.” This can become a fun game.
Use the preventive approach
Review desired behavior prior to leaving the house,
or when entering a public building, or before you
begin a playdate. This might prevent the whining or
tantrum from even beginning. Put your comments in
the positive (tell what you want, not what you don’t
want) and be specific.
When
it’s over, it’s over
After an episode of misbehavior is finished you can
let it go and move on. Don’t feel you must teach
a lesson by withholding your approval, love or company.
Children bounce right back, and it is okay for you
to bounce right back, too.
Excerpted
with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The
No-Cry Discipline Solution
(McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
