Many children are born
optimists. They have a wonderful feeling of self-assurance and absolute faith
that their wishes and desires will come true. However, other children seem to
be born worriers. They may worry about speaking in front of their class, that
they are stupid, that no one likes them, etc. etc. Their list of worries can
go on and on. Worrying is one of the most disregarded forms of stress. Instead
of focusing on what we desire or want, worry focuses on what will happen when
things go wrong.
We attract what we pay attention
to, but oftentimes children (and adults) don’t realize that they are focusing
on what they don’t want, rather than what they do want. For instance,
if you and your child have been sick, you’re probably both clear that
this is not what you want. However, if you’re thinking and worrying about
being sick, it’s an entirely different perspective than focusing on being
well.
When your child expresses
a worry by telling you what she doesn’t want to have happen, help her
to identify and then start focusing on what she truly wants to have happen instead.
For instance, if your daughter says, “I don’t want to go to the
party because no one will play with me,” help her to identify what she
wants by asking, “What would you like to have happen at the party?”
And then, “What if you have fun at the party?” Children who worry
a lot are great candidates for visualization and imagery. The truth is, worry
is negative visualization and it takes a vivid imagination to imagine such horrible
scenarios! Gradually, teach your children to focus on their wants and desires,
rather than their fears and worries. Tell stories in which your child faces
and overcomes a fear or attains his goal. Eventually, he will be able to visualize
these positive scenarios on his own.
Think and speak positively
Challenge your child to
direct all statements that start with “I am,” towards positive statements
and goals. Negative affirmations such as, “I’m just stupid,”
or “I’m always sick,” are very harmful because they can penetrate
a child’s subconscious, which accepts them—hook, line, and sinker.
Our minds and bodies are not separate entities—they are connected. When
a child creates positive pictures and self-suggestion, it can have a beneficial
effect on both his physical and emotional health. It sounds simplistic; however,
children who picture themselves as happy and healthy will be taking an important
step towards becoming happy and healthy throughout their entire lives. Happiness
and improved health are gifts that each child can give himself through the power
of his own thoughts and imagination.
As parents, we always need
to keep in mind that we are our children’s heroes and
role models. If we are continuously worried and self-critical,
our children are likely to be the same. Worrying projects
negative energy and it doesn’t do you or your children
a bit of good. In fact, when children are aware that their
parents are worried about them it projects a lack of faith
and they tend to feel more anxious. Admittedly, there are
times when our worries are well founded. Even then, instead
of worrying and imagining the worst possible scenario, try
to focus on the positive outcome that you desire and on actions
that can help to bring it about.
