Now which methods you employ depends on your child’s
age and his capacity to understand. Reasoning simply
will not work with a baby. His brain is not developed
enough to understand the concepts of why something is
wrong or not safe for him.
For a toddler, expect to repeat yourself often because
while they can register that you’re not pleased
about something they did, or that you don’t want
them to do something, they don’t have the mental
ability to retain that knowledge for future reference
and so you will have to be patient as you tell them
the next time and the time after that. The good behaviour
will become a habit but only if you keep calm.
For some parents it’s simply easier to wait before
they start implementing discipline. They feel once the
child is able to understand the concepts of ‘no’
and ‘don’t’ then the discipline will
be effective. For Allison Brown, a twenty-six year old
court reporter from Fayette, Missouri, this was the
case. She started working in disciplinary measures once
her child turned two. “I did timeout from the
very beginning. I have also swatted my son a few times.
And I have also tapped him lightly on his cheek to get
his attention.” As expected, this led to screaming
and tears. But it’s important that you remain
consistent and do not give in.
If you allow the tears and tantrums to get to you,
then you allow your children to ‘play’ you.
As Allison’s son grew, he developed more sophisticated
ways of attempting to get out of his punishments and
around that dreaded word ‘no’. “He
says, "I promise I'll be nice" or "I
promise I will pick up my toys" through his tears.”
What parent could resist?
Jessica Torres, a 28 year old home daycare provider
from Welland, Ontario encountered the same kind of ‘deal
making’ with her child as well. “My oldest
tries to negotiate with us. For example, ‘how
about I clean my room just before bed and we can play
the game now instead of cleaning right now’. There
is also still some crying involved when something is
taken away.”
For toddlers, she believes the good old 1-2-3 method
works best and is really effective in public with older
children as it adds the embarrassment factor of the
threat of punishment in front of strangers. Simply threatening
that if they don’t stop their behavior or do what
you say in one, two, three seconds, ‘something’
is going to happen is usually enough to make a child
fall in line. A firm tone is necessary so they don’t
think they can butter you up into changing your mind.
It’s also important you have something planned
for the end of the countdown if they don’t behave.
A planned consequence is important, even if you don’t
vocalize it to the child because children love to test
the boundaries you place on them so they will sometimes
call your bluff.
For Sonia Marques, a 26 year old Administrative Coordinator
from Milton, Ontario, the first time she disciplined
her toddler, the child was shocked as she had no doubt
consider herself the ruler of the house as her every
need was catered to and she was the apple of her parent’s
eye and fawned over but by remaining consistent Sonia
made sure that her little girl knew when something was
not appropriate. “Usually raising my voice will
work. If she is touching something that she is not supposed
to and is ignoring my telling her to stop, then I will
give her hands a light smack so my point gets across.
If it's something more serious or if she refuses to
listen I will put her in a time out. I don't put her
in a corner. I don't like that. I just make her sit
beside me on the floor or the couch, or wherever I am
and not play with anything. When she's in her time out
I don't speak to her or give her any sort of attention.
She usually throws a tantrum when she's in time out
but she won't move. Once her time out is finished, I
pick her up, or sit beside her and explain what happened
once she's calmed down. Then I asked for her to say
sorry to me or whoever else she needs to apologize to
and give her a hug and kiss and remind her that I love
her but she needs to learn when to listen to me.”
Of course, we’re all human so it’s important
to have a strong support system and make use of it when
our children’s antics drive us to the brink. Sonia
concludes, “Sometimes none of these work in which
case I just blow my top and give her to her father.”
So along with consistency is, if both parents are around,
the importance of not allowing the child to play one
parent against the other. If you say no, your child
must be very clear that he cannot go to the other parent
and weasel them into saying yes.
United you stand, divided you fall. Never has that
been truer than in the family unit. That not only means
unity between the parents but between the parents and
their children. By disciplining your child, you not
only foster and healthy and loving family environment,
you send these well adjusted children out into the world
and make society as a whole stronger as well.
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