I was
well-educated with bachelor and master degrees, yet I didn’t
recall taking, or even being offered, a parenting or fathering
class during all my years of schooling. I wasn’t even
required to take a test or get a license to determine my fitness
for unarguably the most important task we will ever face:
parenting. It was clear I wasn’t at all prepared for
the next two decades of child-rearing. But you know what?
When I looked down at my beautiful baby boy, and he looked
up me with those little tiny trusting eyes, I was pretty sure
I could fake him out for a few months while I worked on it.
Seventeen
years, and two boys later, I can say I have figured it out.
At least some parts. Although the answer wasn’t so much
to “figure it out,” as it was to “let it
be.” What I mean is this. Starting at about age three
I noticed a trend. My son’s happiness and attention
span wasn’t set in motion when he was playing with conventional
and commercial toys and games, but stemmed from situations
and circumstances — quasi-activities if you will —
embedded in the everyday routine. Furthermore these so-called
activities were facilitating parent-child bonding. And most
extraordinary was the byproduct of these seemingly meaningless
and trivial pursuits, that of child development: So what did
this all mean?
Without
a doubt Nature has programmed our children for success. So
it follows that their instincts drive them towards actions
that will best serve their interests. And what have we done?
We circumvent this natural process by buying every contrived
game and toy we can afford. How many parents have witnessed
their child turning a plain box into a play object, game or
toy? It's practically a universal phenomenon, yet the majority
of us dismiss this behavior as purposeless. We push the toy
that came in the box back in front of the child, confused
by their behavior, and determined to make sure the expensive
purchase doesn’t go to waste. Better we let it be and
let Nature takes its course. This scenario can be witnessed
time and again in other venues.
I am in
a home improvement store to find a part to fix a faucet. I
find the part but my children find curiosity in all the thousands
of products lining the aisles. Instead of the conventional,
knee-jerk reaction of, “we need to get home,”
we spend 2-3 hours exploring, learning, bonding, and having
a ball. This became a regular outing that rivaled any amusement
park. Another example. We are taking a walk and happen upon
a vacant lot with a huge dirt pile where they are building
a home. My children run over to play. Conventional response:
“You’ll get dirty,” or “Come on, let’s
go.” Instead, I encourage them. They spend hours playing
on the hill advancing their imaginations and physical fitness.
And another. I am cleaning up the kitchen, but my children
are “un-cleaning” it. They are dragging out plastic
containers. They proceed to build skyscrapers, beat on them
with wooden spoons, trap a bug… “Hey, please put…never
mind.”
I found
more than one-hundred examples like these in the everyday,
cost-free routine. No doubt you will come across your own
unique situations on almost a daily basis. Don’t fight
them because of convention or time constraints. Embrace them.
Now if you will excuse me I have a date play a round of golf…with
sticks, a handy round object, in the backyard, with my children.
About
the Author
Rex Bowlby is the father of two boys. He is the author of
the book,Why
Would I Want the Toy, When I Can Have the Box? (101 Ways To
Make the Most of Your Children, With the Least From Your Wallet)
*For parents with children ages 3-8. www.whytoybook.com.
He lives in Los Angeles, California, USA.
