Yesterday my husband and I went out to lunch together without any children. There wasn’t even a blue moon or anything.
I was enjoying this moment of freedom from motherhood until the girl behind the counter at Panera asked, “When’s the baby due?”
If you live within a 100 mile radius of Illinois perhaps you heard the sound of my ego deflating…or perhaps exploding is a better word…because nothing cuts you to the quick like being asked when the baby is due WHEN YOU ARE NOT EVEN PREGNANT.
This is why I carry the baby with me everywhere I go, even to the bathroom in my own home — so everyone knows that I just had a baby.
“Well, technically you could be 2 months pregnant,” my husband reasoned.
“Unless the baby is actually crowning,” I fumed, “you never ask a woman if she is pregnant.”
The worst part is that we kind of know this woman. My husband did work on her roof and she recognized him the last time we were in Panera….when I actually was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. At that particular time we had no problem happily discussing with her when the baby was due because we actually had a baby that was due.
I am not a vain person but I’ll tell you right now, there’s no way that I actually look more pregnant NOW than I did then. If you ask me, I don’t even look pregnant. Yeah, there’s a gut, but it’s a very modestly covered and strategically concealed one. Trust me…that thing gets locked down before I leave the house.
“Honey, you look great,” my husband said because he had to. “She was just making small talk.”
Small talk indeed.