I think I am one of the last people on the Earth to realize that 2010 marks the first decade of the 21st century.  Admittedly, I am not good with numbers - and I also have a hard time making obvious connections. It must be that element of putting “2 and 2 together” — see!  Math again!!

In any case - wow - 10 years.  On one hand, 10 years seems a drop in the bucket, but then again, trying to remember the events of the past 10 years seems nearly impossible - especially given the fact that I am hard-pressed to tell you what I had for dinner LAST NIGHT.  But I’m going to try and forensically recreate the last decade for myself, if for no other reason, so I can discover how it is that I ended up here on the eve of a New Year, watching “Yo Gabba Gabba”, surrounded by toys, and with far darker circles under my eyes than a body has a right to.

Here’s What I’ve Learned in 10 Years:

2000, aka Y2K: We rang in the New Year by assuming the crash-position, and with gallons of bottled water in the basement.  Just in case.  Once I realized that life on Earth was indeed going to move forward, I made my second contribution towards increasing the world’s population.   After spending much too much time on internet parenting boards I was encouraged to  “take charge of my labor” and “not allow” myself to be “cheated out the birth experience” with another C-section.  I learned what drug-free labor felt like and It was during that period of time that I was fairly convinced that the world was indeed coming to an end after all.  Weston was born (via C-section) and I quit my corporate career to become a full time mom.
Lesson of 2000: Don’t believe the hype.

2001:  Uhhhhhhhh.  I had 2 boys, 18 months apart.  Need I say more? 
Lesson of 2001: You will never own nice things again.

2002:  My first daughter was born.  We named her Eliza which in Cherokee means, “end of peace and quiet”. Lesson of 2002: Girls talk.  A lot.  But they indeed are the sunshine of your life.

2003:  My first marriage ended, leaving me with 3 babies and a forced enrollment in “The School of Life” where the curriculum included: “Foreclosure”, “The Fair Credit Act”, and “Car Repossession.”  I spent a lot of this year in family court and being verbally abused by creditors.
Lesson of 2003: If you can catch someone from Citibank Visa telling you “I will come and take your house tomorrow and throw your deadbeat ass on the street, children or not,” on tape, you will automatically win a $3000 settlement in your favor.

2004: My kids and I were living on our own and I realized that I was far stronger than I ever thought possible.  Lesson of 2004: You will do absolutely ANYTHING to survive when you have children.  ANYTHING.

2005:  Seriously?  The only thing I can remember about this year is that I was a size 6.  Here, let me write that again:  A SIZE SIX!!  Working 3 jobs and raising 3 kids alone really contributes to weight loss.
Lesson of 2005: Poverty and stress trump Jenny Craig.  Oh, and P.S.?  You will never be a size 6 again.

2006:   I became a first grade teacher!!  My 2nd husband and I got married.  We got pregnant. (This all happened within the span of 2 months BTW).   I went mental.  We separated.  I began an affair with Zoloft and a stint in a rehab program for lunatics. (Seriously?  This year felt like it had about 3,650 days in it).
Lesson of 2006: Trying to be all things to all people all at once will make you crazy.  For reals.

2007:   Kellan was born.  My husband and I reconciled in time to celebrate our first anniversary.  We took a family road trip from Illinois to Lake Mead and returned home intact.  We ARE survivors!
Lesson of 2007: True love endures.

2008:  This is our first  whole year together as a  family.  We are all happy.  We are all healthy.  We are all blessed.  I quit teaching to stay home with Kellan and begin my Masters in Education.   During the summer we make a big decision:  We will have no more children and instead buy a dog!  Snapshot of July: Thursday - Saturday we hold a garage sale where we purge the home of ALL baby-related paraphernalia.  Sunday we use our garage sale proceeds to buy a dog.  Monday morning:  POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST.
Lesson of 2008: We suck at planning.

2009:  We become well acquainted with a team of high-risk obstetrics specialists and I have approximately 4,988 ultrasounds.  During an ice-storm in late March I go into labor.  I almost deliver our baby in the car during our nearly 90 minute ride to the hospital.  The only thing that prevents me from pushing en route is the thought of having to have the car detailed later.  Larissa arrived in dramatic fashion and with only 15% survival odds in her favor.  Lesson of 2009: Half the adventure is the ride.

Holy cow - what a decade!  I’m exhausted.  I must process this passage of time by drinking copiously.  What good fortune that New Year’s Eve is upon me and I can partake in this very activity!

The next time I recap a decade I hope that it involves the words “sleeping”, “vacation”, “rich”, “size six” and “The obvious winner of “Decade’s Best Mother.”

P

Tags: New Year's

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