Archive for March, 2010

Sibling Un-rivalry

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

I have always had an issue with the Meatball and Spaghetti being 6 years apart. Not that I had planned their ages intentionally, but I guess in the grand scheme of things I would’ve liked to have seen a smaller age gap. I assumed that a smaller age gap would bring them closer together naturally or that they would just have more in common and relate as friends not just siblings. I was afraid that because of their difference in age they wouldn’t be as bonded. But what did I know? I’m an only child. And now realize I didn’t have a thing to worry about.

Ever since I was pregnant with Spaghetti though, I’ve almost always have gotten annoyed with family members (the Colonel and Rambo included) telling the Meatball how now that she was going to be a big sister, she had to help me out as much as she could. “Okay, Meatball, be sure to help your Mommy around the house now.” “Meatball you have to help take care of your little sister for your mommy now.”  I would cringe every time someone would say something to that effect. I wasn’t looking at our newest addition to turn the Meatball into Mommy’s Little Helper or Mommy 2.0! I was worried that all this Meatball helping me around the house and with her sister would make her grow up too fast. All this advise motivated me to preserve Meatball’s childhood as much as I could, especially when Spaghetti was born.

For the nine months of Spaghetti’s life, I never asked (more…)

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Sharing a Love of Music

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

I have no idea where I read or heard it, but when Eric was just a tiny baby I remember a line about kids and learning. “Listen to your favorite music in the car. Singing along will teach your child to enjoy and appreciate music, because you do.”

I have my share of “kids music” in the car for rides to daycare and back. Imagination Movers, Wiggles, a Mickey Mouse CD full of generic kids songs… We listen to them plenty. Eric will request by name the music he wants to listen to, or inform me that he doesn’t want any music at all. If I put on some CDs, he’ll shake his head and tell me, “That’s the Mommy music. I don’t like the Mommy music.”

Well, all right then, what do (more…)

Life With A Boy……

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by



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I wish

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

I wish I could go back to last week and pretend Thursday didn’t happen.
I wish my boobs didn’t still hurt.  A constant reminder of what is not to be.
I wish my family understood that I can’t just be happy and move on right now.
I wish I didn’t feel so sorry for myself.
I wish I could have been better prepared for something like this happening.  I knew the statistics; I just didn’t think it could happen to me.
I wish I could feel something other than incredible sadness.
I wish my son’s friend’s sister didn’t have a baby the day my baby died.
I wish I didn’t feel like shouting at everyone who asked me to do something for them.
I wish I was OK, but I’m not and I don’t know when I will be.
I wish Neely would say we could try again instead of saying “I don’t know”.
But most of all I wish I was still pregnant.

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More Camera Fun

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

These pics were all taken in the past few days. We have been spending much of the days outside as the weather is absolutely beautiful. Not too hot or sticky yet. Once that hits, we will have limited time outside, like only first thing in the morning! The kids love it out there and so do I.

Honestly, I’m amazed at how well they do out there. This time last year, I wouldn’t have dreamed of going outside with the kids, let alone by myself! They are getting so manageable and that gives me confidence. For example, we took our 1st sidewalk walk yesterday. No harnesses, no strollers. Just the 3 kids, myself & Miss Jane (thank God we have such wonderful neighbors). It was unintentional as they had an opportunity to get out of the gate (another neighbor bringing a garden snake for us to check out) and I went with it. Miss Jane saw us out and came to help. They did wonderfully! There was only 1 incident of trying to go to the street. I guess all those walks taught the kids that they sidewalk is where they are ‘suppose’ to walk, huh?

**Notice the kids on the ‘big kid’ swings?!? Awesome!**

Miss Sofia and all her glory. She is quite the athletic, agile one. I’m thinking (more…)

Numbers

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by


“What?  You’ve never seen someone turn ONE before?”

Dear Larissa,

Today is your 365th day on Earth.  An entire year.  Today, you are ONE.

Sweet girl, I would need at least that many days to tell you (more…)

There’s real life and then there is JustMommies

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

When you hang out on JustMommies you start to think it is completely reflective of the rest of the world.  But, as much as I love JustMommies, it is not like the rest of the world.  The rest of the world is not as tolerant, as sensitive, as open minded, or as nice.

I am not sure if my perspective is off because of the people I talk to in my life, but I don’t think it is.  On JustMommies I am the mommy that breastfed all her kids, co-slept with all her kids, carried her kids in a sling, the mommy that homeschools, and the mom that parents her kids a little differently.  And, on JustMommies I never feel weird.  In the real world, I do.

I can’t relate to people.  The people I know all send their kids to public school and all give me a hard time about homeschooling.  Some of them try to have an open mind but most don’t.  On JustMommies I am sure there are tons of moms that don’t agree with homeschooling but I have never had anyone question me, debate me, or try to tell me (more…)

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Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by by

When I started my journey to a new healthier me I knew that I had the eventual goal of cutting all pop out of my life but as of two weeks ago I was horribly addicted to the caffeine in my dear old friend:  Diet Coke.  I have struggled off and on with this addiction over the past years and during each of my preganancies I was able to successfully give up Diet Coke in each of my pregnancies because I held a personal belief that aspartame was not good for my babies nor was the caffeine in large amounts….but for some reason I have never been able to (more…)

Life with Leg Castings

Monday, March 29th, 2010 by by

Two words can very swifty sum up our experience thus far with leg castings:
“This sucks.” (more…)

Griefbursts

Monday, March 29th, 2010 by by

There are times when it just hits you.  I know they say that time makes it better, but I honestly don’t think that it does.  Time makes it so you can hold yourself together better.  Time allows you get to know your triggers so you can anticipate them and steel yourself for those expected moments.

But sometimes, out of nowhere, with no seeming trigger, it just hits.

And after nearly four years, I can say that it still hurts, just like it did that day four years ago.  The shock of it has worn off, but that sharp grief is still there.

I miss her.

I tell others that I like to think of those moments as the moments when she’s come to “visit.”  It brings me comfort to think of her as being nearby.  It’s been 3 years, 10 months, 3 weeks and 5 days.

I just realized how close her birthday is, and I have no clue what to do this year.  And it makes me so sad that I don’t have any ideas.

I miss her.

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