I know nothing of my husband’s life from 11pm at night until 7am in the morning.
One time my dad asked how his night went and I about fell off my chair when J told him and about getting kicked in the leg because he had a double ear infection and couldn’t hear the guy coming behind him.
In the beginning of J’s career, I heard more. I remember getting a phone call and hearing my fiancee talk about being the first on the scene of a deadly crash, where he pulled the driver out of the wreckage and held him as he died. That first incident changed my soon to be husband. Changed his approach to our relationship, changed his strategy for separating the two. I remember the clipped, detached way he told me the story- as if he needed to tell someone, but didn’t want to. I haven’t heard that tone of voice come from him again.
I’ve asked J about it- I ask him about his work, and I hear his complaints about officials or the way they do things, his ideas for making it better, his interaction with people. I don’t hear anything concerning actual police work that he personally does. He says it’s easier to switch between home and work if he’s not telling me about it. I trust him with that.
One of the things I quickly realized after marrying J, is that the amount of trust required for a police marriage is tripled the amount of trust a normal marriage needs. My husband is heavily involved in high stakes police work. Sometimes he’s there to protect world leaders and their annoying minion, sometimes he’s there to break up a bar fight on a Friday night, but whatever it may be – no matter how big or how small, it’s nothing I can control. I can’t control what happens. I can’t control how he handles it. I can’t control how it affects him. I sometimes wonder if knowing everything he does would affect how I trust him. In the end, I don’t think it’s neccesary.
If I’m doing what I know to be right before God as wife, if I’m trusting my husband to His care, than I guess there isn’t much more to do. I know everyone has different coping techniques, and so far this seems to be working well for my husband.
How does your husband cope?