A slightly deeper topic than usual for you today, my dear readers. A topic that is dear to my heart, not because I want it to be – but because it has forced itself into my heart and gives me no choice.
A lot of people focus on Postpartum Depression, which is a very real, very debilitating depression that some women slip into after the birth of their child. What it can do to women (and their families, if they don’t seek help) is devastating. But something a lot of you may not know is that depression during pregnancy is real, too – and it hurts.
Let’s make one thing clear: in my search for information about what I can do about pregnancy depression (or maybe just to feel like I’m not alone), I have come across statistics that say no, I really am not alone. I am far from it. So if you’ve experienced depression during your pregnancy, YOU ARE NOT A FREAK.
You’re just like the 1 in 10 other women that experienced at least one bout of depression while preggers.
Pregnancy depression also isn’t any less “real” than postpartum depression. It doesn’t make you any worse of a person, you won’t be a bad mother, and no – even if you suffered through fertility treatments for your desperately desired child like I did, you’re not immune.
Everyone expects pregnant chicks to be 24/7 happy. That would be great, if it were even possible.
Unfortunately, we all have to put on our happy face when someone asks how we’re feeling, or if we’re getting excited.
Someone will ask you, “How’s the mommy-to-be today?” with a smile, and instead of saying, “I want to cry and crawl into a deep, dark hole by myself and just forget that I ever got pregnant” (which is what you really want to say) – you smile back, nod, and say “Just wonderful!” in a way that makes the other person wonder what other people complain about, because pregnancy is obviously so fantastic. Or makes them nauseous. Either way…
Being depressed while you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you’re any less of a woman, that you’re going to be any less of a mom, or that you’re a bad person in any kind of way.
It means you’re human like the rest of us.
And if it gets bad enough, or lasts long enough, it may mean you need some help.
I’m lucky. I know that I’m bipolar, I’ve been through counseling that taught me coping techniques, and I remember them when I get into a bad state. I use my mind to bring me out of the depression and make things OK again using techniques that my therapist taught me years ago.
Trust me, you don’t go unmedicated with bipolar disorder for 3 years without some kind of counseling.
If you’re not as lucky, and you don’t have those tools, don’t hesitate to go and ask for help. Yes, pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous time, and everyone supposedly expects you to be the perfect happy mom-to-be, with a constant smile, but in reality pregnancy is a stressful time that wreaks havoc on our hormones, our bodies, our brains, and our emotions. It brings up our deepest fears, strains even our best relationships, destroys our self-image, redefines our identity, and changes more things than you could ever possibly imagine.
Given all of that, it is no wonder 1 in 10 women experience pregnancy depression.
Today didn’t start as a good day, and last night wasn’t much better. I felt the lowest of lows last night, like I wanted to just curl up in the basement and sleep for a few months. I just wanted to forget I was pregnant so I could feel sexy again.
Today, with hubby’s boss being a raging you-know-what-hole, it only got worse. Chances are, some time in the next year, we’re going to lose everything. The home we’ve made for our daughter, the safe vehicle we bought to drive her around in, and a lot of things we’ve come to know and love – all because his boss has PMS or something. So it wasn’t a good start to the day.
But I’m going to be OK, because I recognize that, while it is alright to be a bit upset and frustrated now, any feeling beyond that isn’t real. It is just the depression talking.
It takes a long time to have the “everything will be OK, just smile” thoughts overtake the “screw it, I’m going to hide under my desk until next Christmas” thoughts, but eventually they do. I can go outside, enjoy the sunshine, and remember that it is OK.
It is OK to feel this way, and it won’t last forever.
So there, now you all know that I’m suffering from depression (which is why I haven’t been blogging on weekends for a while now).
You also all know that it is OKAY.
That it isn’t any less serious than PPD, and comparing it to PPD isn’t an insult to PPD women. Pregnancy depression causes those “I can’t handle having a baby, I want to go back to the way things were” moments, too. If anything, nobody understands a PPD sufferer as much as someone suffering from pregnancy depression – except other PPD women, of course.
And you know that if it begins to interfere with your daily life, it is time to seek help. Promise me that, m’kay?
Tags: pregnancy depression
Oh I’m so glad you posted about this! I suffered through several bouts of depression while pregnant with my last, but for the most part I just felt silly mentioning it to my doctor. I felt surely if it was a pregnancy related thing (which it was - I’d never suffered with depression before or since) that my doctor would have asked about my emotional state as well as physical. If it wasn’t for the ladies of JM, what was already a really difficult pregnancy would have been unbearable.
I always get pregnancy depression. It is horrible. I always brace myself for it each time I get pregnant. But as soon as the baby is born, the depression is gone. I am grateful for that.
(((hugs)))