It has now been a month (well 1 month, 2 days to be precise!) since I went from being the Mommy of one little princess to the M0mmy of two, and what a change it has been!!!!!
The biggest thing I have noticed is how hard it can be to try to share out the attention equally when Emersyn NEEDS so much more of my attention than Gaby does simply to survive. I have found myself telling Gaby numerous times “I’ll do ________ when I’ve fed Emersyn” – then when Emersyn is fed, she pukes on herself, or needs a bath, or needs her nappy changed, and whatever Gaby wanted help with, seems to (unintentionally) get forgotten. She doesn’t seem to mind, but I don’t want her getting used to me putting off whatever she needs, so I’m making a more concerted effort to carry through with my promises to Gaby, whether it’s getting her a glass of water or taking her to play on her bike. That said, now that we’re settling into a routine more, I am finding that I’m more able to take time out to do things with Gaby, but I still know there is more that I could be doing!
Gaby now seems so much older to me, than she is – because I realise just how self-sufficient she is… dressing herself, feeding herself, going to the toilet alone, tidying up her toys, being able to occupy herself with her toys, putting herself to sleep at night, getting herself up in the morning, etc. Physically she seems a lot older too – when I compare to Emersyn, she’s like a monster – a very cute monster of course… sometimes I forget she is only three (or as she reminds me numerous times a day “almost four!!”..). Hard to think that she started out like Emersyn, so little, so dependent on me… I’m not sure which I prefer, being needed – or not being needed!
Emotionally, mentally, I am feeling great – the adjustment within myself hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. I had concerns about post-natal depression, or at least things being really hard on me emotionally or mentally, so this is quite a nice surprise for me. It’s not that I don’t have times where I want to rip my hair out, but those moments never last long. Instead of being stressed out thinking “how am I going to care for two kids,” I am more in awe of how fantastic my two kids are, and how lucky I am to HAVE them to care for. In a way, having Emersyn has made me more proud of myself as a parent, because I can see where Gaby has come from and where she is now, how clever she is, how smart she is, how funny she is, how sweet she is… I know that I’m a big reason for that!
I did have concerns before Emersyn was born along the lines of ‘how the heck can I love TWO kids as much as I love Gaby?’ My heart expanded on its own, without my even thinking about it, and there is now no question about whether or not I’ll find ALLLLLLLL that love to share between two… It just naturally came.