I have a hard time looking at baby pictures sometimes. Pictures of sleeping (live) newborns just bother me. I couldn’t put my finger on it for a while, but after hearing someone tell me that Cora “just looks like she’s sleeping” it hit me: I hate pictures where, to me, the babies look dead. So I especially hate black and white newborn photos.
It bothers me most when it’s pictures of my own children. Maybe it’s because the thought of Erin and Patrick dying too is so traumatic to me. Maybe it’s because they’re supposed to be happy pictures of my children and I hate that the pictures make me cringe.
The ones that come most to mind to me are Erin’s blessing pictures. I’d been planning on having my mom make a dress for Cora from the leftover fabric of my wedding dress and my veil, but we were waiting to see how big she was at birth before my mom started. And then of course it became a moot point. So my mom made it for Erin.
And I hate the pictures.
Part of me wishes I’d thought to try to wake her up.