I’ve talked about irrational Mommy fears here before, but now I have a whole new set of irrational fears now that Lex is in full-time school. When I drop him off he has to walk all by himself to his line outside his classroom door. That’s when I stand there and wait until he walks in and I know he’s safe. Then it starts: the worrying.
“What if he needs me and starts crying, then runs out of the class and down the street searching for me, all the while screaming MOMMY!!!!! over and over again?!?!”
That’s when I have to keep from crying my eyes out. The “What ifs” are never ending. I hate that I can’t walk him to his line. I hate that I can’t homeschool him. I hate that he doesn’t really like going to school. I just hate it all! Another huge fear of mine is some kid losing his mind and taking a gun to school and shooting up Lex’s kindergarten class. I know that’s a bit much, but I think of it almost daily. I have to force myself to not think about horrible things that could happen to my kids. It’s just an awful feeling, and I know you know what I’m talking about. I actually try not to go too far from town, ya know, just in case. It’s ridiculous. I am trying harder to have pleasant thoughts and to not worry so much, but gosh, it’s hard.