As a comedian, I’m sensitive, that’s part of what makes me so good at my “art”. That is what comedians do, we find humor in pain. But as sensitive as I am, I’m not that easily offended especially when something is done or said with humor as the intention. One of my life rules is: All is fair in love and comedy. But I was so deeply offended the first time I heard about this category and I have been ever since that it’s taken me almost 8 months to write about it. Geriatric Pregnancy.
Now if you’re a visual person, as I am, aren’t you picturing a little old granny on a Rascal rockin’ a baby bump?! Well don’t, not just because its slightly disturbing, but it’s also a false image. Instead picture me, possibly you or any of your other friends who are pregnant that were born during or before 1978/1977- cause that’s who the hell that term refers to. I kid you not.
Sure you can look young and be in great shape, but if you’re 35 and older you’re not only considered “at risk” ’cause you’re ancient to be pregnant by medical standards, but geriatric! As someone who doesn’t look my real age (thank you melanin and good genes) and who’s not looking to start taking Centrum Silver anytime soon I find that term truly offensive.
It makes me want to go off on a Bridget Jones-like rant from my bed. “I’m sorry medical society that I put my career first for a bit, or that I wasted my time with idiots who didn’t want to get married or have kids, but I thought they did! I’m sooo sorry I lived in New York City for so long- THE biggest playground in the world where hardly anyone wants to settle down because they’re constantly looking for the next best thing and people think if you get married before 30 you’re insane! But just because it took me a little longer to find the RIGHT guy does not mean that I should be punished by your lame and cruel phraseology- I’m so pissed I don’t even know if that’s a real word or not!”
Turns out “phraseology” is a real word- I spell just checked it. My rage is also real. I think I’m most upset about the fact that I’m still young at heart, vibrant, full of life and energy (figuratively & quite literally right now) and the medical world is trying to make me feel like the Crypt Keeper. NOT OKAY!
I’m sticking with what Aaliyah said, God rest her soul, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number!” Guess I should just be glad I’m getting on it before my breast milk curdles.