September 24th, 2012 by

Resolutions: 5773 Edition


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It’s Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. As a Jew-adjacent, I am spending part of my day in reflection and have come up with a few things I would like to do differently going forward in 5773…

I will no longer shriek, “Tea towel! Tea towel!” at Mr. Rosenberg when he mops up spilled coffee with the decorative towels that live on the oven door. He’s right: towels should earn their rent doing towel things, not just hanging out looking cute.

I will read books of my choosing and at my leisure, and not merely pull an all-nighter the twenty-four hours before my book club meets.

I will not walk through our house without wearing shoes or hard-soled slippers with which to repel Legos. Getting from one side of Bob’s bedroom to the other is akin to crossing a bed of hot coals without the spiritual experience that Tony Robbins promises. Dearforms are my co-pilot.

I will wash the station wagon before Bob’s friend Dustin feels the need to announce how filthy it is to the rest of the kindergarten class at
circle time.

I will close my computer when I am not using it in order to keep the cat from standing on my keyboard. Facebook has seen my last, “aklurdghfioauertow83kJSJDFJJSHJ99999999999999,” status update. You’re welcome.

L ‘Shana Tovah Everybody!

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