We put up Christmas yesterday. I’ve posted about Cora’s stocking before, but this time was a little different. Erin was helping me, and she’s a lot more aware about things this year. She asked me what Santa would put in Cora’s stocking, and why there were envelopes in it. So I told her that Santa puts something to the family in the stocking, because she can’t play with her own toys so it doesn’t make sense to put something for her in it, but he doesn’t want Cora to be forgotten. I of course teared up. I always do. And she hugged me as she always does.
I hope that seeing me grieve for her sister not only shows her how deeply I love her sister, and therefore her, but that grief is okay. That you don’t have to cover it up, and that it’s okay to feel. Mostly, though, I hope she never ever has to know what it feels like to grieve for her child.