Sometimes it just hits me over the head the little moments I have or will miss. I was watching Erin, thinking about all the things I’m looking forward to with my living children, and it just hit me that I’m not going to experience those things with Cora.
I don’t get to watch her pick her own clothes out for the day, or go shopping with her. I don’t get to hear her talk about her day or what she wants for her own future. She doesn’t get to tell me her dreams, even the bad ones. I don’t get to see her interact with her siblings, and ask me for another baby.
I’ll never get to pick out/make prom dresses with her, or see her graduate from high school or play a sport or an instrument or be in a play. I won’t get to hug her on her wedding day, or sit with her while she is in labor with her own babies.
I know I’ll get to see her again someday, deep in my heart. But that doesn’t fix this. It doesn’t give me back all the things I’m missing now. And that hurts.