I’m in this general vicinity.
I have been terrible about updating my blog. So much has happened since the last time I posted: Easter, birthdays, life in general…. Every day I swear I’m going to carve out 20 minutes to sit and write, and every day that 20 minutes gets overrun by the needs of six other people. As much as I try to find myself in this family, the only thing I “find” is that I”m more often lost than not. There is never a straight line from Point A to Point B anymore - every destination has a meandering path with LOTS of pit stops and TONS of detours. It’s frustrating.
I’ve been a mom for nearly 15 year now and it has never gotten “easier”. There are brief respites from complete chaos, but generally, the job is consistently demanding and unwaveringly insistent upon you being on top of your game at all times.
Sometimes I wish I had a “real” job. You know, one where you can kick off your shoes at the end of the day, flop on the couch and bitch about the day you had, the people you work with, and the problems you had to negotiate without everyone gasping in horror at the fact that you are not completely enchanted about every single moment of your chosen career. When your career is motherhood, it sometimes feels a lot like entering the convent. If you dare think one impure thought, you have to banish it immediately while fervently praying for forgiveness at the same time. Let’s not even talk about the residual guilt.
Most other mothers don’t dare speak ill of their “jobs”. It’s like being a part of “Fight Club” where the first rule is, “Don’t talk about Fight Club.” If you are the one who dares speak ill of the dread - the laundry, the bickering, the driving, the thankless dinner-making, the often sheer mindlessness of it all - you risk being judged, or criticized or shunned, and no one needs any more dirt dumped on them when they are already standing in a hole.
Of course, since I have been a mother this long, I know these moments are temporary, but it doesn’t make it any easier to weather the storm. Long story short, I’m in the middle of the squalls, hanging on to the sides of my very tiny boat.
Last night I received an email from some parenting site that I must have clicked a link to. The title of the email was, “If You Hate Being a Mom Today, This is For You.” It was for me, but honestly, it should be required reading for everyone who benefits from having a wife and/or mother in their lives. Motherhood begins when you go into labor, and that labor never, ever ends. Maybe it’s time to start a union