It’s interesting how a picture can take you right back to the emotion of the moment it was taken in. I was looking at old pictures a while back, trying to find pictures of me and my youngest sister (long story). And I came across some pictures of me after Cora was born, but before I became pregnant with Erin, holding other people’s babies.
I’ve shared this one before
It was taken 5 days after my best friend had her baby that she had been pregnant with me with.
Later came the blessing of that same sweet baby.
And then the baby of another friend I had been pregnant with, just another month later.
The pictures totally took me back. Back to how heartwrenching it was, how unfair it was, that I had given birth first but didn’t have a baby of my own to hold. To the anger that all the joy I had had at holding others’ squishy babies was gone, replaced by sadness and grief. I love those little girls, I truly do. But at that point in time, I only saw not-Cora.
But at the same time, I’m surprised at my own bravery. It took a lot of courage. I didn’t think it was all that impressive at the time, but looking back on it…I’m rather proud of myself.