When my oldest was born I was all like….”Yeah yeah yeah…..I got this. I won’t talk to her like she’s a baby, I won’t homeschool her. I won’t spoil her. I won’t blah blah blah…”. Then Lex was born and I was all like “OH MY GOD HE IS NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE!!!!” See what getting old does to you? It makes you weak! Just terrible. For four years my son was always with me. We did everything together, the park, Chuck-E-Cheese, shopping….everything! He was never away from me. And he was very shy. His Dad and I thought that putting him in preschool would help him come out of his shell. It didn’t. Then came Kindergarten and we were so sure that this would be the year he really shined and showed everyone the brilliant child we saw at home every day. It wasn’t. First grade……I won’t even talk about first grade. It was so bad that I actually contemplated homeschooling him. That is actually what I really wanted to do. I wanted to keep him home, safe, with me. Forever. But I didn’t. We were moving to a new town and I thought “One more year. Let’s give this school a chance. Maybe it isn’t him.” and here we are, second grade, a new school and a new teacher. And things are still the same. BUT, his teacher isn’t like the others. She has taken the time to actually look deeper, and she has seen what we see every day. She just can’t get him to to show it. And do you know why??? Because of me. Me and my “OMG HE IS NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE!!!” I have bottled my son up and he is now only comfortable with us, his family. We are all he knows. He doesn’t play sports, he doesn’t go to any after school programs, he isn’t a part of any groups…..just us. He does not know how to socialize. And here everyone thought the homeschooled kids were the awkward ones who weren’t socialized. Nope. Or the kids who some people feel bad for because they do go to after school programs and not straight home to their families. We judge those parents, how dare they not coddle their children?? When in all actuality, they aren’t doing anything wrong, they are doing something right. Teaching their children how to be independent, how to rely on themselves. How to make friends. Lex doesn’t know how. And it is all my fault.
I remember sitting on that tiny chair last Thursday at 8:10pm and saying the words “No, he doesn’t have any friends….just….us….OMG THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!!” His teacher was so nice. She gave me advice on how to help…..”get him out of the house”. FINE! I sat Lex down and said ”You know, bud, we are the only ones you ever hang out with, and as much as I hate it, I need to let you go, go out and make new friends”, and of course his response was “Oh, Mom. I am so sorry you’re having to do this.” LOL! Such a sweet little boy.
So that is what I plan on doing. I plan on helping him go out into the world and make friends and show everyone the brilliant, funny, sweet, kind and loving boy that we see every day……even if it does kill me.