April 2nd, 2014 by

Dear Ranger Dave,

Hello there. Yeah. You. The one in the ball cap Ranger hat. Oh, is that Lady Ranger next to you? Yeah. She is included in this, too.

We only have 3 days left for you to sign up for RAGBRAI on our team, so I going to present my case of why you should sign up for the full week.

Exhibit A: Watcha gonna remember in 10 years?
Are you going to remember staying home and tending to your desert garden or are you going to remember having the time of your life with the All Star Team Beaver? Yeah. You know the answer.

Also, one time I was on RAGBRAI when I was 6 weeks pregnant. B asked me the “Watcha gonna remember in 10 years?” question and this was the result:

Exhibit B: The Ranger Lady Connection
Hey, Ranger Lady — remember our bonding moment. No? Let me describe it for you. I was pregnant-lady-waddling through some park in that one mountain town chatting with you about running while you walked your adorable aging pup while holding a baked potato on a Styrofoam plate. We STILL managed to find out that we have a lot in common. Imagine if we were lounging on some great Iowa grass in some great Iowa shade drinking some great Colorado beer! There is no end to the bonding possibilities! C’mon…you know you want to.

And, while I don’t have any photo evidence of our connection — here is a picture of my big ol’ pregnant belly with some random beaver-jersey-wearing men. Also, note that one is wearing red shorts. Bonus points!

You took this picture. See? Connection!

Exhibit C: The All-Star Team
The last couple years have been “building years” according to Normie. Smaller team numbers, more day-to-day riders, less cheese-ball eating, etc. This year…THIS year, all the Beavers are coming out to play. There is rumor that Goldie might get to go the whole week (she is already employing Goldie-Be-Good strategies to get clearance) and I will be off the chain and Deb and Dale are coming with an alleged golf cart with a Jack dispenser. Ma.Sing.Ah is going to rock the whole thing. This is it. All-Star RAGBRAI needs Ranger Dave the The Ranger Lady. (Did you catch that “needs” was both underlined and italicized? Yeah, it is that serious).

Exhibit D: The Jack-mobile.
Jack Daniels. In a Golf Cart. From a Dispenser. The End.

Exhibit E: I’m the Boss.

And I Said So.

Exhibit F: Free Serenades.
Yes. If you go on RAGBRAI I hereby promise to sing an uplifting and inspirational song to you every day! It’s true. Singing on RAGBRAI is my specialty and it is an honor and a privilege to be the target of my amazing voice. So, go sign up now. (Did ya see that? I pulled the underline-and-italicize thing again)

Exhibit G: Free Beer.
I will buy both you and the Lady Ranger a beer every day of the week! I happen to know that it is a Team Beaver by-law to never pass up free beer — even if it’s on the internet.

Closing Arguments:
So, there you have it. SEVEN amazing reasons why you should go on this year’s RAGBRAI and bring Lady Ranger along with you. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you should do the whole week. You have until Monday to sign up on our Team…so get ‘er done.

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