Places I’ve Pumped Part 3 — The Time it Got Awkward

Or: Thank you ObamaCare!

Or: I Just Met You…and This is Crazy.

I planned to present the “Places I’ve Pumped” Series in chronological order, but this one was too good to not instantly tell. And by “good” I mean “terribly awkward.”

I am district trainings and workshops this whole week. Long sessions in different buildings — the recipe for great “Places I’ve Pumped” stories.

Today, I found a lovely little store room. I unpacked my stuff near an outlet, got everything plugged in, and grabbed my pump parts. GASP. I forgot my shields. Crap! I can’t pump without my shields! What am I going to do?!?! I can’t run home and I caaaaaan’t make it until 2 without pumping. Crap! Crap! Crap!

These are shields…you know, for those of you following along at home :)

All of this went through my head in about 30 seconds while standing topless in a cluttered store room.

I started brainstorming solutions. I remembered that when I walked in this morning I struck up a conversation with another teacher (that I didn’t know) because I saw her carrying the unmistakable brown shoulder bag of a pumping mama. My district offers two insurance plans, and most young moms are with Kaiser. Thanks to ObamaCare, Kaiser issues every new mom a Medela double electric breast pump…in a brown shoulder bag. I can spot another pumping mama from a mile away.

So, 45 seconds of topless freakout and I had a plan! Step 1) Put shirt back on. Step 2) Go ask the most awkward question of my life.

“Excuse me, I know this is awkward and you can totally tell me no if you want to. I understand completely. But, um, I was wondering, if, um, I could borrow your shields to pump. I forgot mine and I am desperate and I am not sure what else to do. By the way, my name is Smithers, and it is really nice to meet you!”

There was a split-second…no, a millisecond of awkward reaction before she put on her “new moms stick together” game face and said, “Absolutely!”

Double Bonus — this entire interaction happened in front of the Director of Science for the district — who giggled to herself nearby. Luckily, I have already talked about pubic hair wigs in front of this particular boss of mine. Boobies ain’t got nothin’ on pubic hair wigs.

So, here I sit. Topless (again) in a cluttered store room, pumping and blogging, using somebody else’s shields.

Thanks, Obama!

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