If you’ve ever wondered, you can pack two adults and stuff for a baby in about 1.5 hours, book a flight and jump on a plane.

Last Sunday, March 3, at about  3:30pm we got a call that A* may be going into labor.  We called the airline and found out that the last flight out of Madison was at 5:15.  We dropped everything (Tony was pulling out carpet, we were getting all packed up to start our last remodeling project before baby) and started packing.  Just in case.  We still didn’t have confirmation, so we started driving to the airport.  Just in case.  We got to the airport and still didn’t have a firm, yes, they are going to do the c-section tonight, we decided we were hopping on a plane now or possibly missing the birth of our baby.  Just before we boarded our second flight to Tampa, we heard they were going to do the c-section.  That was reason enough for Tony to buy the in-flight wi-fi.  On our 3 hour flight to Tampa, we got the first pictures of our baby girl.  She was born 3-3-13 at 7:59pm; 6 lbs 3 oz; 18 1/4 inches.

Since the plan was that A wasn’t going to see the baby, K, our social worker was at the hospital to take her after she was born.  We got a text that A changed her mind and wanted to see the baby.  That worried us at first, but I didn’t (more…)

I’m not going to lie.  I think the wait after the match is worse than the initial wait.  Now we have an end time.  But it could change.  But maybe it won’t.  I’ve mentioned before, I’m a planner.  This is really hard for me.  It’s made me a complete nut.

I’ve washed clothes, sterilized nipples and nuks, washed bottles, booked all travel, and now her bag is officially packed.  Since the due date has changed three times so far (March 22, March 18, March 15…) and seems to keep moving sooner and sooner, I want to be as prepared as I can be to pick up and go.  All we are hearing is that birth mom is going to go into labor early.

The mix of being excited, anxious, and nervous has proven exhausting.  I have learned quickly that being anxious and taking a trip to Babies R Us is not a good idea… I came home with things I never anticipated needing, but in the moment, I could justify each and every I was throwing in the cart.  (Confession: I didn’t have a cart, I was the crazy lady with  three large items in my arms turning down the cart when it was offered to me while dropping the fourth thing I was trying to look at on the floor)

As if it wasn’t enough to have a match and bring a baby home, I decided that I would LOVE to have a distraction.  Choreographing “Fiddler on The Roof” would be great!  Of course I would do it!  HA!  Luckily, I work with a bunch of WONDERFUL cast members and production staff and when I had to step down after choreographing a little less than the opening number, they understood.

Baby and choreography was enough, right?  Nope, my crazy husband and I want to finish the house.  So, the POD just got delivered.  The dumpster comes tomorrow and we’re ripping out our living room and extra bedroom starting next week.  Because  it’s totally logical.

It may be crazy, but when I take a look at our lives right now, it’s a pretty cool crazy.

Ok.  We’ve been keeping it quiet for what seems like forever.  And people are starting to ask questions about why we’re taking crazy day trips to Florida…

It all started 2 weeks ago with an email.  A birthmother in Florida.  I know, I know, we’ve said over and over after “almost” matches that we would not even look at possible matches in Florida again.  Well, we decided to tempt fate one last time.  In a matter of hours, our profile was sent to her, we were on the phone with the lawyers in Florida and the next thing we knew, we were matched!

We didn’t have a lot of details, we only knew that she loved our profile and wanted to meet us.  So we began the second part of our journey and booked flights for a quick weekend trip.  We just got back.  Life as we know it has changed.

We flew out early Saturday morning and got to Florida a little after noon.  We enjoyed a lunch outside in the sun, (It was negative crazy temperatures and snowing when we left Chicago…) and headed back to our hotel to relax for a little bit.  HA!  Relax!  More like quietly-freak-out-and-try-to-control-our-excitement-and-fear.  Then we hopped in the rental car to meet A* and the social worker, K*.

We got to the restaurant (more…)

To be completely honest, the last thing I thought I would be doing for the holidays this year was praying to get through them.  After last year’s struggle, I thought for sure that it was the last year that Tony and I would spend the holidays as just the two of us.   I thought we would have a little family this year.

Secretly throughout the year, I planned the family photo for the Christmas card and the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament, stocking and outfit.

But, here we are, three weeks away from Christmas, and I’m sad to report that we have no news.

We’ve had a year filled with ups and downs.  We’ve cried over the what-ifs, almost’s and one situation we thought was a sure thing.  We have come to learn that in the world of adoption, there really are not almost’s and there are certainly no sure things.  It is filled with what-ifs and unknowns that Tony and I never thought we would have to face 10 years ago when we met, or 5 years ago when we got married.  No one plans for infertility.

We have gutted and remodeled what used to be a spare bedroom in our home.  It is now a nursery complete with furniture and themed bedding.  We’ve stocked up on baby books, diapers, and our car seat is ready to go!  This year has brought a lot of preparation for baby.

But, right now, the crib is a slightly large cat bed that Murphy loves spending time in and the diapers are tucked away in a drawer so I don’t have to see them every time I walk through the room.

In a season where we remind ourselves what we are thankful for and count our blessings, it has been easier for me to think of what I don’t have.  But when I stop and correct my thoughts, I think of all we have been blessed with and I get overwhelmed with emotion.

We want to thank our family and friends.  Without your prayers, thoughts, and love, we would not be where we are today.  We love you all so much, thank you!  We wish all of you and your families a happy and healthy holiday season!

I want to start by saying thank you to all who follow our blog.  When I first started it over a year and a half ago, I thought it would be so easy to keep up and share all of our news.  The emotional journey to adoption has proven extremely hard.  The choices of what to share when and with whom have been harder.  Despite that, I hope people will continue to share my posts to spread the word about adoption.  I hope to help other adoptive parents understand that there are others out there in the same situation as you… you are not alone.

We have had a lot happen in the past few years.  I find myself receiving information about possible situations and not even reacting.  It’s almost a post-trauma-like response.  I have put a high guard up in regards to what I let into my innermost feelings.  The “feeling something” doesn’t set in until we’re a few days into a situation.  One has to understand that there are days when we receive information about possible situations via email, and to get excited for an instant when you see who it’s from only to open it and find out that it’s nothing even remotely close to something that would work for your family, whether it’s financial or otherwise, can get exhausting.  But to be completely honest… you do see a glimmer of hope (more…)

I got a text.  I met her.  It all seemed to be falling into place.  I heard about a possible birthmother.  She was a friend of a friend.  We met for coffee because she had some questions about adoption.  My intent going into the meeting was to give her the information for our agency and answer any questions she may have.  I was mentally prepared to be a sounding board and that was it.  When she started asking questions about me and Tony, it got real.  She wanted to know about us, our relationship and why we wanted to adopt.  She said, “I really like you.  I hope my mom likes you too.”

I left the meeting on top of the world.  I thought we finally had something!  She liked me and wanted to meet Tony.  I agreed to meet with her and her mother as soon as they wanted to, I would make my schedule work.

Then… we waited.  A week later I contacted her to see if there was a good time and she told me that they wanted to meet with an agency before meeting with us.  We haven’t heard anything since.  We don’t know if she went to our agency or if she decided to go with another agency that they had talked about.

To say the least, I was devastated.  Of course, I know (more…)

I could get used to this. We will be ready to accept kids within a couple of weeks. We hit quite a snag with our before/after school person backing out on us be after a lot of panic and phone calls, we’ve worked it out. Or at least, we think we have. There might be a slight problem in the afternoons but it’ll work out.

We have one more class on Saturday and background checks for family that has agreed to watch the kids if we need and that’s it! The room is almost ready. We have the bunk bed built, have the mattresses paid for (pick them up tomorrow), have the bedding purchased…We have even started buying some school supplies–something I thought I’d never get to do.

We have a list of kids we’re going to inquire about for adoption too. Our plan is to adopt one and foster another. I’m so excited.

I don’t think words can fully describe how I’m feeling. In a way, it hasn’t even set in yet. Despite, the social worker telling me, nothing will stop it at this point, I still feel anxious and reserved. We’ve gotten out hopes up so many times, only to have them dashed. Once again our hopes are up and I’m terrified something will happen to cause it all to come crashing down around us.

Last week on Tuesday, we got an inquiry from our adoption agency.  They were going to start working with a law firm in another state.  It was our choice whether or not this law firm would have access to our profile.  We were forewarned that adoptions in this state can cost upwards of $40k.  (Compared to $20-26k in Wisconsin).  This law firm had birthmothers waiting to be matched and no waiting adoptive families.

After discussing the situation, Tony and I decided to have our information provided to the law firm.  If something came of it, we would talk about what to do then.  It couldn’t hurt to have more exposure.

Less than 24 hours later, we got the phone call that we have been waiting 6 months… 1 year… 2 years… all our lives for.  And it’s true.  Nothing at all can prepare you for that moment.  Our agency was sending us information about a birthmother from the law firm who was due in July with a baby girl.  There were some health concerns that we needed to look at.  We were asked to respond if we were interested in 48 hours.

First I think we were in shock.  Tony was in an airport, I was at work and all we wanted to do was see each other and talk about what this could mean.  He didn’t get home until after I was asleep, so the next morning was the first time we were able to talk about it.  We ended up coming up with a lot of questions, we called our social worker and she gave us as much information as she could.  I had to go to work, so Tony called the law firm to ask the questions that we still needed answered.

It was a whirlwind of what-if and how are we going to make this work?  It was 2x what we had expected to pay for an adoption.  We could make it work, but what would we sacrifice?  The list was long… we wouldn’t be able to move out of our house for quite some time, if the birthmother changed her mind, there could be a financial loss that we may never recover from… that would mean we wouldn’t be able to (more…)