Archive for the ‘Trying to Conceive’ Category

If you build it….

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012 by by

After 3 weeks of construction and one year (at least) of shopping to pick out the “perfect _______” (Insert anything baby here… cloth diapers, detergent, theme, color)…  The nursery is done!

There is not much going on with the actual adoption.  We’ve had at least one more situation come and go since my last post.  I wish I could keep the blog up, but between work, family, events and emotions, blog posts just haven’t happened.

From the beginning of construction, to tonight when I applied the vinyl quote to the wall that reads, “Promise me you’ll always remember, you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. -Christopher Robin to Pooh” (don’t know if that was an affirmation for myself or for my baby…), washed the sheets and blanket for the first time, it has been an incredible time of nesting for me.  My husband thinks I’m nuts.  At times even I’ve thought I was crazy.  But seeing everything come together (more…)


BIG update

Thursday, March 15th, 2012 by by

First, we had our final follow-up a few weeks ago. I’m healing just fine. I still get some occasional pain but that’s from the scar tissue and is getting much less frequent.

At the follow-up, I asked a question I’ve wondered about for quite a while. With my pregnancy history, will I be considered high risk? The answer was an amazing NO. I can’t express how happy this makes us (me). I have always wanted a natural birth. No induction, no drugs, and certainly no section. In today’s society, it’s hard to achieve this in a hospital setting. It’s much more convenient for the doctors and hospital to intervene. Doctors don’t want to wait around on baby. Hospitals make more money when they intervene.

I have known for quite some time that I want a homebirth. However, with my pregnancy history, I was worried that I would not be able to find a midwife to take me on. Now that I know I will not be considered high-risk, this seems like a much more realistic goal (assuming we ever get a pregnancy that sticks). :)

Now for the emotional update. Like any grieving person, I have good days and bad days. Or rather, good hours and bad hours. It really is an hour by hour thing. I find that reminders are everywhere. One day I’ll be fine seeing/hearing something and the next, it brings unbearable pain.

I also find that, even ten weeks later, I still have a hard time (more…)

And it starts!

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011 by by

Within hours of the announcement we had people asking how they could help. A few of those ladies, rather than asking, offered to run a fundraiser for us. The first is now up and running:

Kristin has gracious offered to let this run for 6 weeks and is giving us 100% of her profit from this party. Please take a look and spread the word. After 4 losses and more than a year of infertility, it feels great to be on the road to a baby.

New plan (again)

Monday, May 16th, 2011 by by

Hopefully, this will be our last ever ‘new plan.’

Today, we went to an adoption seminar. I won’t bore you with all the details. I will say that Chris and I are both glad we went. There were three attorneys present that spoke about the local laws. Going in, I was nervous that this would either make it seem like it was impossible for us or that it would cause some bickering between us. If you remember from previous posts, we haven’t exactly been on the same page about timing of all this.

Anyways, back to the plan. We’re going to start with making a list of things that we’d like done before a home study. We’ve given ourselves one week to create the list. We’re then taking one week for each item on the list.

Once the list is mostly done, we’ll start looking for an attorney and home study agency. Then, finally, we’ll start networking. :) I’m so excited and relieved to finally be moving forward with something.


A Post In Which I Talk About A Bit Of Everything

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011 by by

I know, I know, I’m a bad blogger. Once again it has been way to long. I’ll start off by announcing that our first NTNP (not trying, not preventing) month was a bust. I didn’t track ovulation, but I did start four days early. I’ll see what happens next month and maybe we’ll start tracking again to see what’s going on in there. Yes, old habits die hard. I like the freedom but wish I knew what was going on with my body all the same.

Now, why haven’t I blogged? Frankly, there hasn’t been a lot to say on the topic of this blog. We’re not on meds, not actively trying, and haven’t really started with the adoption stuff. We have been plenty busy and I will give a brief general update but to post as things happen, I think it would take too much from the meaning of this blog.

When I started writing, I was in a difficult spot. We had experienced three losses, were starting testing, and taking the plunge into ttc again. I needed an outlet for those emotions and fears. Now, I don’t need that as much, but I still want this blog’s main focus to be about our journey to parenthood–it just so happens our journey has slowed to a crawl. (more…)

An agreement

Monday, April 4th, 2011 by by

Chris and I have reached a ttc/adoption agreement. You see, Chris isn’t ready to be done. He wants to jump into soy if I’m not pregnant. I, on the other hand, am very ready to be done. After four years of losses and infertility, I’m ready to move on.

We talked about it again this morning and have agreed that we will continue to pursue adoption as planned. I have promised to not rule out soy but have asked to at least take a break for an undetermined amount of time.

He doesn’t seem overly happy with the decision but he’s not protesting it either. I need time for me. I need to get away from it all…get rid of the stress. We will not be preventing, but we also will not be actively trying to conceive.

Change of tone

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011 by by

Within a few weeks the content of my blog will be changing some. I’ll still talk about our angels, but the ttc aspect will no longer be here. We are done with medical assistance after tomorrow. If tomorrow’s IUI does not work, we will be moving to adoption and that will be my main focus here. If it DOES work, then hallelujah I’ll get to talk about pregnancy fears.

Today, I’ve already killed my phone battery. I had to call and cancel a job for tomorrow because of the IUI. I then called on some adoption options and of course called Chris at work to discuss it all. I have another call to make and hope to be sharing more details soon.


A conversation snippet I posted on my loss and ttc boards:

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 by by

DH: “They were here for days. Not my fault you didn’t eat more of them.”
Me: “It’s not MY fault I was nauseous for days.”
DH: “It might be.”
Me: “No it’s yours.”
Lex: “Hopefully it’s baby’s”
Me: “Yea, and you put the sperm there, so it’s YOUR fault.”
DH: “You put the egg there.”
Me: “No, my sperm-donor that made me a girl put the egg there.”
DH: “But you let the egg out, in that neighborhood, around that time…it was asking for it!”
Me: “Geez, this is going on JM…”

The Truth About Infertility.

Monday, October 11th, 2010 by by

Truth Number One: Nothing hurts more than waiting for the first. Never knowing if you’ll be a mom. Never knowing if you’ll ever have a child. That is a hell I’d gladly never remember. Of course, at the time I was waiting for said first child, I worked fifty hours a week, spent twenty hours commuting. I spent every night alone, and only saw my husband if we happened to have a weekend off together. All that would change with a baby, and I knew that, but I couldn’t change it until I had the baby…and the baby was just not coming. (more…)

Letting Go

Sunday, July 18th, 2010 by by

A strange thing has been happening to me over the last month.  After 2.5 years of unexplained infertility, I think I just might be finally letting go.

The first inkling of this came a few days after we returned from my husband’s 40th birthday cruise in mid June.  We had spent a week with good friends who have 7- and 10-year-olds that are so painfully shy that it hurt me to see how uncomfortable they are in the world.  Even after spending a week with them, they hadn’t really opened up.  Then, I considered other dear friends who have a 19 month old who has a form of albinism.  Because of her albinism, she has vision issues that keep her in baby sunglasses and away from sunny days on the playground, plus hardships later in life.

Thinking of the hardships some parents go through, I thought in the shower one morning, Tuesday, June 22nd to be precise, that maybe it would be okay if my husband and I didn’t have children after all.  It was the very first time in my entire life, not just the past 2.5 years, where that thought didn’t make me cry.

Even more recently, I’ve been thinking of the travels we’d like to take in the next few years.  (more…)