Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Life……Not Always The "Ideal Situation"

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012 by by

Tomorrow is “D” Day, and I should be sleeping, but instead I thought I’d blog, get it all out so to speak. When some people ask me about the divorce and I answer honestly, they’re surprised. Surprised that I have already moved on, that I am actually looking forward to the divorce. What most people don’t know, and I haven’t even shared here, is that my soon to be ex-husband was a cheater. Not just once, but many times over. When someone does that to you after promising you forever, then it is unforgivable. I stayed so long for a few reasons, one of the reasons being that I refused to “give up.” “Till death do us part” and all that jazz.

Then, last year, I realized that I would one day die, and I did not want to die thinking that I could have been with someone who was faithful, who did love me more than life itself. Also, I didn’t want my children growing up seeing it. So I made the choice to move on. It wasn’t easy, but life is never easy, is it? Tomorrow we make it final, and I am happy about it. I won’t apologize to anyone for being happy to no longer be married to someone who obviously didn’t love me enough to be faithful. It saddens me that it didn’t work out, but we will be ok. Me, my ex, and the kids. We’ve found a way to be a family apart, and everyone is happy. My ex has moved on and is dating someone, and so am I. We’re both happy. I am not just happy, I’m actually falling in love. Scary, yet beautiful. He was a friend first, and I think that’s why it was so easy. He’s also so good with my kids. They love him already. I can’t blame them. :)

So even though tomorrow should be a difficult/sad day, it won’t be. It will be the end of one part of my life and the beginning of another. I am excited. :)

Me~

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Feeling It Now…….Fear

Monday, August 29th, 2011 by by

I hate that word: fear. I’ve never been one to “fear” anything (other than spiders), but with the divorce finally starting to become real – we’re getting ready to file papers as soon as we can figure out what the Hell most of it means – I’m realizing that I am going to be on my own! All alone!! Not only the money situation scares me; it’s the not having that extra pair of hands or the extra set of eyes to help keep my kids safe. Lo is at that age where she is starting to just bolt, and OMG is it scary!! I was that crazy lady in the pet store parking lot screaming “LOLITA ANN JOLIE!!!! FREEZE! FREEZE!! FREEEEEEEZE!!!” and chasing her around the car. It was not one of my prouder moments. It’s moments like those that make me grateful that I didn’t let Kevin talk me into “just one more.”

I know that, somehow, probably with me working my ass off, everything will be okay. And when I say I work my ass off, I mean it. All day, every day. I’m so glad that we are now back on school time, the kids are asleep at 8 pm! WOOT WOOT!!! You have no idea how much easier that makes things for me. I was letting Lex have “movie nights” and let him stay up later than usual, like 10pm, and then Lo would be up all damn night with night terrors, and then I’d be up early, and well, you know how it goes. So when I think of being alone, it scares me. When I think of supporting three kids on my own, it scares me. When I think of how many spiders I’m going to have to kill myself, it scares the heck outta me. BUT that is just how sure I am that I do not want to be married anymore. I’m willing to do this alone. Kinda sad actually, if you think about it. Poor Kevin. He’s really not that bad. It’s just, well……ok, maybe he is. LOL!! I kid, I kid!! Let’s just say that his humor has saved him many times.

I look forward to the end of this chapter and the beginning of the new one, because frankly, I’m kinda sick of talking about “the divorce,” being a “single mom AGAIN,” and so on. I want to get back to life, blogging more and finally setting up my damn clothes line that’s been sitting in my mudroom for weeks! Maybe tomorrow I’ll post pictures, something fun. ;)

The Laws Of Teenagers And How They Can Effect You

Thursday, July 14th, 2011 by by

Raven is 15 years old going on 5. Granted, this whole divorce thing has turned her world upside down and flipped around, but still…the girl is the biggest drama queen. I had actually thought of just not telling her and letting her think her Dad was abducted by aliens and is allowed to come home 2 days a week, because that is just how much I did not want to tell her. I kid, I kid. When I told her, there were tears and lots of them. I talked to her and explained that it was for the best. She cried some more. I called her therapist and asked if we could go back to every week instead of every two weeks just to help her through this. So far so good. Now, since this happened, she has said that she doesn’t want to be home with us, she doesn’t want to talk to us, and just wants to be left alone. I let this slide for a few weeks, because I didn’t want to stress her out and have her lose more hair. But after her not being home for almost 2 weeks and only coming and going for money, food, and clothes, I had had enough. I talked to her and said that this is our life now. She has got to learn to deal with it. Boy, did she hate me. She was pissed!! But I held strong and didn’t back down. What came next surprised even me! She had a list of things I am not allowed to do. Here it is:

  • I’m not allowed to date. Ever. Forget ever getting married again, because that would ruin her life all over again.
  • I’m not allowed to go out. Ever again. God forbid if a man sees me all dressed up and looking good.
  • I’m not allowed to look good. I need to cover up and stop wearing makeup.
  • I can’t have a night job. (I’m pretty sure she has an idea that I used to dance and is horrified that I may go back.)
  • I can’t turn into one of “those crazy pet hoarders because I’m lonely.” (Seriously, kid? WTF?)

That last one is my favorite. HAH! Because I would totally hoard myself some chihuahuas. (more…)

A New Beginning…….With An Old Story

Sunday, July 10th, 2011 by by

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, and for good reason. Things in my life have been turned upside down and have taken a turn for the better. Over a month ago, my husband and I have decided to get a divorce. I blame The Rapture. While I am not a religious person and in no way believed a thing that loony was saying about the end of the world and all, it did open my eyes to one thing… One day, I am going to die, and I wanted to die happy. I was not happy. I was content but far from happy. That’s when it clicked. I was not in love with my husband, and I was fairly certain he wasn’t in love with me either, so I had a talk with him and voilà! Here we are. He has practically moved out and is already moving on with his life, because well, he needs that. I have my kids, the house, and the dogs to keep me company. My littles have no idea what’s going on; my teenager, on the other hand, is having a very hard time with it. Therapy is helping, very slowly, but it is helping. She has a great therapist who she’s been seeing for years mainly because of her alopecia.  I’m hoping she comes to terms with it soon and is able to move on. I’ll keep you updated on that one.

As far as I’m concerned, I’m doing great. I felt trapped for so long, and now that we are practically divorced, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am a bit worried about my future. How am I going to support myself and my kids? I’ve spent the past 10 years being a wife and Mom…..now what? I never had a desire to do or be anything else. I went to school in Germany to be a dental assistant, but I’d have to start from scratch here. Not that I really want to do that, but I would just to get on my feet. My friend, who is also my lawyer, keeps telling me she needs an office slave. LOL! The biggest problem is this: Lo is still home all day. I guess I could put her in preschool a year early, but I’m not comfortable with that. Kevin and I have always agreed that the kids should stay home with me until they’re 4, and then only half weeks in preschool, not full day. Lex is going to be in kindergarten from 8:30 to 3! That’s a long day!! I work 2-3 days a week now in the afternoons, and Kevin comes and stays with the kids, but he can only do afternoons, and not every day. So now what? I will take a year to get on my feet, take a course, and then start working full-time next year when Lo is in school. I just hope things go smoothly. Wish me luck! :)

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Today would have been our 20th Anniversary

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 by by

You might think I’m weird for even acknowledging a milestone like this.  Remembering the wedding anniversary with my ex-husband is not weird or strange or even bad to me.  You see, I’m thankful for that 10 years, 8 months, 1 week and 5 days we were married.  I know you won’t hear most divorced women say the same thing, but hear er, I mean read, me out.

I have two wonderful children from that marriage (he has 5, but this is a happy post and I’m done keeping score … I think).  I learned a lot about myself during those years.  Was it a good marriage?  Heck no.  Were we happy?  Some of the time, but mostly not.  Would I recommend getting married to a 17 year old & 18 year old?  Without a doubt, no.  Would I do it again?  Not for any amount of money.  But, I am who I am today because of who I was then.  I don’t regret (more…)

Divorce

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 by by

No, not mine. I said I wasn’t going to talk about it. I really wasn’t. That was my full intention but after seeing “the episode” of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and  crying over what is happening to them, I am going to talk about it.

What I am not going to do, bash them. They are humans and have feelings. Although I would not choose their lifestyle, I respect them. They are going through tremendous pressure, whether they brought it on themselves or what ever other reason people are saying is irrelevant.

I think this needs to be talked about. Why is it that HOM (High Order Multiples) families have a higher divorce rate? Could it be the stress of having 3+ children at one time, creating an instant larger than average family? Could it be that most couples experienced some kind of infertility beforehand and that put stress on the relationship prior to the pregnancy? Could it just be that having a baby is hard, whether it is 1, 2, 3, or more? What is the cause?

I don’t want to say we are better than any other family out there because trust me (more…)

Divorced

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 by by

My toddler boy is on the popular see-food diet – you know, you see food, you eat it?

This morning was no exception.  He started out, like the other kids, with a bowl of Lucky Charms.  As the kids ate, I began making lunches.  My boy saw me unwrap a slice of cheese and so of course, he screamed for cheese.  When I opened the turkey slices, of course he needed one of those.  Same for the pretzels, the bananas and the Rice Krispie treats.

I like to keep my mornings down to a dull roar, so of course I obliged my little dear with every food he requested until he was sitting like a medieval king at a banquet.

“That’s a very diverse meal you’ve served,” observed my husband as he passed through the kitchen.

My daughter misheard the word as “divorced” and when I tried to correct her she said:

“No Mom – first K had Lucky Charms and then he divorced them for the turkey.  Then, when he saw the cheese (more…)

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