I was asked a few times if I’m disappointed that the baby is a boy. Of course I’m not! I don’t understand going through the excitement of becoming pregnant, maintaining that excitement for nearly 20 weeks, only to become disappointed that the baby has the wrong anatomy between their legs. Yes, we wanted a girl, because we already have three boys and wanted to give Anastasia a sister, but we aren’t upset at all. On the contrary, we are quite happy and thrilled to be having another boy. When we first got together, I thought I’d never have any boys. My family seems to only produce girls – so each boy is just an added blessing and surprise.
The ONLY disappointment was the tough decision this created. We always wanted 6 kids and had agreed that if we got our second girl, we’d cut it early. I had mixed emotions about this, but agreed because Chris really feels finished (although he’s said this after each child and then changed his mind and bugged me to get pregnant again). Once we discovered it’s another boy, it became more difficult. I had started to come to terms that this may be the last baby. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for it, and I had hoped if it was a girl I wouldn’t really have to make the hard decision, but I do.
For the past few days, I had been trying to rationalize stopping, because rationally speaking there are a lot of good reasons to say our family is complete.
1. We have a large family
2. 4 teenage boys is already daunting (food bill wise), what if the next is a boy and we have 5 teenage boys to feed?
3. Pregnancy is HARD on my body and my EDS. I’ve become more high risk with each pregnancy, and it takes a while for me to recover afterwards.
4. Chris is ready to stop.
5. I have been pregnant, or breastfeeding, or both for the past 8 years with only a 12 month break total.
6. We are held back by having a newborn or me being pregnant and can’t do a lot of family activities because of it.
7. I’m tired.
8. I tried to reason that, miscarriage included, I’ve been pregnant 6 times.