Posts Tagged ‘step-parenting’

My quiet house.

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011 by by Rachel

I usually love living in chaos.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like problems, but when there are lots of people around and constant chatter, it pleases me.  It’s one of the biggest reasons that I miss James.  He always had friends over, and they kept me entertained.

Having Will & Clayton come live with us was a huge adjustment.  We’re still adjusting even coming up on two years (wow!) now.  Although they have court ordered visitation with their mom, she doesn’t always exercise it to it’s full potential.  She usually only sees them once every 4-6 weeks for a weekend.  They are visiting with her this weekend.  We’ve actually just got home from dropping them off, and I’m sitting here in silence, thinking to myself, “I could get used to this.”  But the reality is, I really enjoy having them here, even if it’s not ever really quiet until bedtime.  I miss them when they are gone.  It’s a realization that I wasn’t expecting.  I have anticipated this weekend for about ten days, and now that it’s here, I don’t like it much.  Strange.
I’m certain I will appreciate it again tomorrow morning.  Will & Clayton are early risers, and Daniel likes his sleep, like me.
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Forgiveness

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010 by by Rachel

Being cheated on is probably one of the worst hurts I have ever experienced. During the course of my ten year marriage to Sarah and James’ dad, I was cheated on more than once. In fact, my ex-husband’s long term affair with one person resulted in the birth of three children. Of course, in the end, I knew about the children and accepted them as my step-children when we attempted (several times) to make the marriage work. It was not to be, and I’m not really sad about it. I have few regrets in my life, and my marriage and it’s eventual end are not among them. That might be shocking to you, but I view it as a learning experience, and I know that I would not be who I am today had I not lived that life then.

I do wish I could have saved my children from witnessing some things. I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Part of it was my stubbornness and my belief that God could fix my ex. I finally decided to get out when I had visions of my daughter allowing someone to treat her the way I had been treated, and visions of my son treating women the way his dad had treated me. That scared me enough to leave - for good. My marriage to their dad was bad, but that’s not to say I hate him. I learned a long time ago that the opposite of love is not hate - it’s indifference. I have forgiven him, and I have moved on and am no longer defined by what he did to me. Forgiving him has freed me. I freed myself to be his friend and co-parent with him, and most importantly freed me to love again.

Forgiveness did not come easy, but in the end forgiveness was my only option.

Child Support

Thursday, May 13th, 2010 by by Rachel

As you know, Neely has custody of his boys.  They have been living here since July of last year, so nearly a year.  During that time, we have been supporting them and for part of that time, Neely paid child support to their mom, via a wage attachment.  Although we requested that the child support case be closed in September, it took till mid-January for it to be closed.  Money was tight during that time, as you can imagine.  Not to mention that when the boys moved in, they didn’t bring one thing with them, save for the clothes they were wearing the day we picked them up.  We only had enough clothes for each of them to get through a weekend, which is how much time they had spent here prior to moving in.

Still to this day, we have received no financial support from their mom and not only that, despite the fact that the current court order dictates that she provide (more…)

Step-parenting. All the work and little reward.

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010 by by Rachel

I love my step-sons.  More than they can know or understand.  In time, I’m sure they will, but right now I think they feel conflicted.  They want to love me (and I’m sure they do in some way), but they have a loyalty to their mom and I think that they think that loving me will betray their mom.  Tough situation for a child of 9 & 11.  At the same time, I feel like throwing in the towel some days.  I know that I can’t and I won’t, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel unappreciated for what I do for them.  Not by Neely, because he does appreciate me and has told me over and over again how much it means to him that I have stepped in and been willing to support and raise his children.

The lack of appreciation comes from them.  I know it’s not intentional, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.  And I’m sure this may sound selfish, but it’s just my feelings; I can’t change them any more than Will & Clayton can change theirs.

I am the one who feeds them, gets them off to school, (more…)

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Some days, this step-parent thing ain’t easy

Thursday, February 25th, 2010 by by Rachel

I love my kids.  All of them.  Whether they are mine by blood or mine by circumstance.  There is no question about it in my mind and I hope there is no question about it their’s either.  But some days, raising someone else’s child is not easy.  Some days I feel like I do not have the patience for this.  I have yet to hear “you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mother”, but (more…)