Posts Tagged ‘ttc’

To try again, or not to try again?

Thursday, January 19th, 2012 by by

As I always do after a loss, I’ve been questioning whether or not I want to risk going through another miscarriage. A good friend and I were talking about it last night, and I think I’ve decided.

I probably will risk it again. Chris really wants a living (biological) child, and it wouldn’t be very fair of me to flat out refuse that option. I couldn’t ask him to get snipped knowing how badly he wants a child, and I’m never doing hormonal birth control again.

The losses are hard on me, yes, but they’re hard on him too. After all he’s done for me, I can’t not take his feelings into consideration. Are his feelings more important? No. But, likewise, mine don’t outweigh his either. I have no right to take away his chance at a biological child.

That being said, I will continue to try (or at least not prevent) for a while still. Since I lost my left fallopian tube with this pregnancy, the risk of another ectopic is just the same as everyone else’s risk. At this point, the risk is the same as it was before we conceived the twins.


Decisions with extra dimensions

Monday, November 21st, 2011 by by

Every decision I make has to be carefully weighed up against Daniel’s autism.

The biggie at the moment is whether or not to try for a baby with my new partner before it is too late – given that I’m 36 now! There are health issues to consider, as well as I have IBS medication I would have to stop taking.

I think Daniel would be ok with it; I spoke to him briefly about a baby brother or sister in the car today, and he seemed quite amenable, though thoughtful, about it.

Even into the future, I feel like decisions are looming over me such as what to do about high school if he isn’t going to cope at that point. As I’m a teacher, homeschooling may be an option, though I would worry about attempting to teach high school maths and science! Even though I haven’t had another baby yet, I can’t help thinking about the fact that Daniel must be provided for with some sort of care plan, residence, and/or job – whatever he is capable of at that point in the future – before Shaun and I are not here anymore, because I wouldn’t want the responsibility falling on an unsuspecting sibling with a right to a life of their own.

And of course, there is always the worry that if I have another child, that child too might suffer from autism or asperger’s. It’s also completely likely that they won’t. Many doctors have said it’s usually genetic, and only half of Daniel’s genes (my side) would affect another baby, as it wouldn’t be with the same partner. However, I cannot trace autism in my family other than Daniel, and besides, I think it’s quite likely his delays and behaviors could have been caused when he suffered lack of oxygen to the brain at birth due to a collapsed lung. But the worry is always there.

Still, I suppose it pays to be prepared, and then whatever goes better than expected is a bonus!