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July 6th, 2008, 07:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Tami, I'm really not OK with DH going without me...and I actually did end up saying something to him about it last nite. I told him that by going without me, he is showing them that "nothing is wrong"....The last time I *tried* to make an appearance was at his Aunt's house on Mother's Day...the ONLY reason I went was because **I** was having such a difficult day and NEEDED my husband....but I knew he was going to go with or without me..so I went....
Anyway, NOBODY talked to me!!! No one hugged me, no one asked how I was holding up-NOTHING!! No one even ACKNOWLEDGED that I was a grieving mother without her babies.....
I don't know what's to come of this....I want to sit DH down today and decide HOW to handle this...I refuse to let my children in the presence of people who do not respect me....not only that, but it will PISS me off if they try to act like they just adore my children, when they didn't show an ounce of love for Asher and Noah
In my mind I think, I can you love my future children, if you couldn't even love the boys????
Anyway, I'm just rambling...but thank you for seeing things from my perspective...I'm happy that I'm not the only one that sees something wrong with the situation!!!
I'm glad that you talked to him about it. Sometimes it takes the men a little longer to understand that their actions enable them to behave the way that they do. I think it's a good plan to sit down with your husband and figure out how to handle future situations. They would need to do some serious crawling on their hands and knees and begging to get my forgiveness for what they said. Be prepared to watch them act like they adore your children, even after what they said and how they behaved about Asher and Noah. I really believe that some people think that by just pretending it didn't happen, yet blaming the person who was innocent, will just make things better. Then again, they probably don't feel they did anything wrong. *insert words that I'm not allowed to use on JM*
I completley understand ILs that aren't so great. My MIL used to like me before DH and I were dating. After that, she was okay at first, but once we were engaged, it went downhill. As a matter of fact, she wouldn't speak to him for three days after he told her about being engaged because he told her if she didn't have anything nice to say, not to say it at all. She was ugly about things when it came to our wedding. She would say things to me and I would tell DH and he would ask her and of course, she would deny that she said it. I finally just stopped telling him because I think she was trying to get us to fight. She does things around me that are subtle and rude, but obvious to me and others. For example, we were at WalMart getting something last year and we were walking by the maternity clothes and I said something about how cute a shirt was. She walked over and was touching it and I finished by saying it was too bad that it was a maternity shirt. She got all freaked out and looked for a place to wipe her hands, then said she wasn't going to wipe them on me because we didn't need that. Anyhow, I got POd and asked her why she was concerned because wasn't she fixed?? I don't usually act like that either because I'm very nonconfrontational. Even when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I didn't get a phone call from her. Nope - I don't even think she called and really asked how my hubby was doing with all of it or not. He said that she asked about me, but what, she couldn't ask me herself?
It's taking DH years to start getting what I'm saying. I have MANY stories there. Take my word for it, when I say I try, I really try with her. I'm super nice, I never keep DH from seeing his family or anything. However, once this baby gets here, things will change if she can't be nice to me or respect our relationship. I tell you this so that you know you aren't alone in how people behave or how you feel. I know what I have experienced is NOTHING compared to the pain of what your ILs said to you. I'm truly sorry that you have to go through that at all. Remember, that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I think you are one strong lady Brandi! Keep your head up and remember that again soon, you will be blessed with a baby to hold and fill your home and heart with even more love and laughter.
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