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July 29th, 2008, 05:01 PM
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Jessa78 Jessa78 is offline
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Brandi, I am so sorry, honey. I haven't been on in a while and I just read your posts. Please forgive me.

Here is my lowly two cents worth:
Your DH loves you and I can tell that you truly love him but you're both taking hits from too many sides right now. You're dealing with IF, overwhelming grief (which is completely understandable and sadly unavoidable) and now in-laws who are telling your DH anything he wants to hear to make him feel like he should choose them over you (which is utterly ridiculous since he made that choice a long time ago - the moment he said his wedding vows).

Even just one of those things can break a couple but all three together? That's torture and the fact that you aren't rocking in a corner is a bloody miracle. The sad irony in all of this is that the only other person in this world who really knows what you're facing right now is your DH, and vice-versa. You need him and he needs you. Nothing about this is fair and telling you to make the first move is not only unfair, it would be way, way out of line. I just hate to see (read) you in so much pain, honey. If you can, and if he's mature enough to respond with his own feelings (not those of his parents'), I truly hope the two of you can move through this together (just the two of you) and come out closer and stronger for it.

Big, big You will be in my T&P, hon. I'll be checking on you soon, too. NO MATTER WHAT: please, please do not give up.

We need you too much.

One more thing, you know that what happened to you gives you the right to feel anything you need to feel, yes? And that those emotions will run the gamut of everything from intense sadness to intense anger and that is COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE. Nothing you could say regarding your feelings on this subject would shock me or make me think any less of you as a woman or a mother. That someone would make you feel worse makes me angry on your behalf but there is no way in this world that anyone in their right mind could think for even one instant that you did not/do not love those boys with every fiber of your being. No one should have to endure that kind of pain and NO ONE can tell you how to deal with it. Period. Feel whatever the H**L you need to feel, honey.
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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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