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July 31st, 2008, 03:01 PM
Join Date: Sep 2006
Beckie, I guess I just had already started thinking we would do international adoption rather than domestic and be looking at a baby that would very likely be 9 months already. With domestic, I'd be so afraid of the birthmom changing her mind after the baby was born and then I'd have to go through more loss and pain.
I hate the idea of being at the whim of someone who may have the same mindset as my SIL does.
I worry about being able to bond with an adopted baby. Before I just assumed it would be fine but now I'm not sure. Plus I hate the thought of not getting to do all the things I mentioned before. And I know that raising a child is more important than any of that, but it's still what my heart is longing for right now.
I'm sure I would probably reconcile to the idea of adoption if it did come to that. But right now it just seems so unthinkable. Which I guess is normal...because I'm not there yet. I just HATE all this so much. It hurts to want this so much and think that it might never happen.
It probably IS the Clomid. It's messing with me and my brain is along for the ride finding things to be upset about.
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