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August 16th, 2008, 08:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
So I have realized that I keep going through stages in grief and a new pregnancy at the same time. Since I got pregnant and have announced I am pregnant I have been asked that horrible question over and over at the many dr. appts that I go to, "is this your first". And I have gotten so much better about being able to answer without crying my eyes out. So now I can get those words out of my mouth telling them "no, but our first was stillborn". Then yesterday my mom and I went to lunch with my MIL. Afterwards, my mom said something about how this is going to be my MIL's first grandbaby. It just cut like a knife, although I know that my mom wasn't remembering Abby. She just meant that this will be the first living grandbaby for my IL's. I didn't say anything. I just bit my tongue because really what do you say? Later on after we got home, she said it once again. I guess my face must have said it all because then my mom said " I know I make you upset when I say that, but Rhonda you just have to stop" and then she went in the house as though she was mad at me. ***? She was mad at me for making her feel bad. Well what about the way it makes me feel when she keeps saying its their first grandchild. It hurts and it will always hurt. This wasn't the first time I have heard it, my fil said it once too and now my mom twice, and I am sure it won't be the last time I hear it. I just need time to get "over it".
Abby is the first and always will be the first granddaughter for both of them!! Hannah will be the first living granddaughter. I know they aren't always going to want to say "living grandbaby", but I need time to get used to it. I shouldn't be made to feel bad, for feeling bad should I?
It just cuts so deeply. It wouldn't matter if she was the first or the 5th, I would still have to hear things like this. There is always going to be one baby girl missing. I just don't know how to react to those comments when they hurt so badly.
Sorry for my rant.
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.
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