I had to prove it to myself
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August 29th, 2008, 09:15 PM
When I got pregnant with my first DD I swore I would breastfeed. I hated formula and everything about it. I did everything and got everything so I could be ready. Or so I thought.
When Kayla was born on Aug 25, 05 it was by elective section due to her being breach. The first kink in my plan. I was in recovery for 2 hours and in that time they never brought her to me. The second kink. She wouldn't wake up to feed. By the time she woke up 8 hours had past. She latched on and ate, but I was blistered and bleeding from the first feed on. The nurses tried to help but they were useless. They basically gabbed my boob and shoved her on. By day 5 I still had no milk, couldn't move from the pain of the c-section and my boobs were a mess. My mom talked me into giving formula.
I cried because I felt like such a failure. When I was healed I decided to try again, but I was so deep in PPD and no one really was any help. All I got was "you shouldn't have quit" and "Anyone can do it" That was it I hated BF. I FF my daughter and she thrived and eventually I healed physically and emotionally. But I swore I would never BF again so I wouldn't go through that again. Especially if I had to have another section.
Well 2 and 1/2 years later I found out I was pregnany again. I decided I would give BFing a chance. I did end up with a second section. My second daughter Karrigan was also breech. I had a midwife this time instead of an OB. I am so glade I did. She helped me out so much.
But again it was nearly 2 hours before Karrigan was brought to me. Apparently she had breathing problems. She was more awake then Kayla had been but no luck. She wouldn't even latch on. Only scream. The first day she had no sucking reflux at all but no one was listening to me untill my midwife finally came it. She got me a LC. Who wasn't much help. She told me "just keep trying she'll eat when she's ready"
Karrigan slept pretty much all the time. She rarly ate and waking her was near imposible. My nipples were sore, but not cracked or bleeding like the first time. By the time day 3 came she was down to 5l 2oz (born at 6lb 8oz) and sevearly jondice. So we switched her to formula. That was the end of that we thought.
Day 6 she was back to normal and putting on weight. I missed BFing though. Never thought I would. I decided to try again. I got help from the midwife and from a LC. The local health unit lent me a pump and did home visits once a week and I went to them once a week. was given a nipple shield since it was more like the bottles she was used to. I pumped 6-8 times a day and fed just as many. Supplimenting as I went. Slowly the amount of bottles and supplimented milk went down. At one month we finally gave up the bottle.
It wasn't easy it was a LOT of hard work. I don't even know why I did it other then to prove that I could.
Well here we are 3.5 months and we're still EBF. I'm very proud of myself, and often wonder what gave me the strenth to do it. Then I look at my daughters smile and I know. It was her.