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August 30th, 2008, 03:39 PM
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Goose Creek, SC
I thought it would be easier to repond this way. You give great advice but this time I am still stuck because it is kind of different circumstances I guess
<div class=\'quotemain\'></span>Secondly, before the child goes to the house, make sure you don't make it a big deal, like don't say "it's going to be fun, you're going to do this, and they need to see you too, and it's only fair, they miss you" etc. You want to make it like it's literally no big deal. No prepping involved.[/b][/quote]
He actually doesn't want to go there at all. Jason kind of made him. His mom said she wanted to see him but doesn't want to make him. She lets him do practically whatever he wants.
<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE</div><div class=\'quotemain\'>Never, ever mention that you will miss them. Don't even suggest that you will miss them. If you say that, the child will automatically feel badly that they are leaving YOU & think that it's a loyalty thing & want to stay home.
A lot of people (like my DH's ex wife) will say "oh your dad misses you, you're going to be safe there, you are going to have fun" then she'll say "I love you, I miss you already"....and then she calls a ton of times it makes things HORRIBLE for him.[/b][/quote]
I do this with both boys all the time. Telling them I will miss them and give them a big hug and kiss.
Mainly because what if something happens while they are gone? I want their last memory an I love you one.
<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE</div><div class=\'quotemain\'>As far as sending stuffed animals, personally I don't think its something you should do, some people say "bring a pillow or a luvy for comfort" but unless this is a 2 year old, there is no need for that stuff. The child needs to learn to have special stuff at the other parents house, even their own luvy from their other parents house & feel comfy there, if you send personal stuff w/ the child to make them comfortable, you are sending the message that they are NOT going to be comfortable w/ out the items & that sends the message that you are not comfortable w/ the situation either. KWIM?[/b][/quote]
He takes toys sometimes because he doesn't have anything to play with over there except his baby brothers toys (he is almost 2). And the stuffed animals aren't allowed anymore because they always come back reeking of cigarette smoke. Teddy (his bear) used to belong to his mom and she gave it to him when he was a baby. He loves that thing. We gave him the option to keep it at her house but he wants it here.
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