Im an ***** COW. Ive hit my bottom... Ive NEVER in my life been this HUGE and Im so freaking depressed over it. I just spent 2 hours, yep, you read that right- TWO HOURS trying to find something to wear out to dinner with my parents. Everything either doesnt fit, or it just looks SO unflattering. There are just rolls and flab and jiggle and stretch marks everywhere. I cant even cover my ick with a huge sweater. Im just gonna order some mumus and resign myself to total isolation. Im so demotivated, and so afraid to leave my house to do anything about it. Im stressed out all the time, Im eating like crap, Im not exercising at all- and I just cant figure out how to do it all now that Ava is here. Most days, I can barely just function to get the basics done. Im so tired all the time, I just have no energy. I drag myself out of bed as late as possible, drink coffee and take up residence on my couch, dont eat all day until dinner then its like a feeding frenzy till I go to bed- at 3am. Im doing everything wrong, and I know that. But, its been so difficult taking care of Ava and the house and getting dinner on the table- that I just dont have time or energy to get anything else done till Les comes home. Then, its like I play catch up trying to get everything done I couldnt earlier, and get in enough calories to just survive the next day. Im pretty sure Ive gained back all the weight I lost post partum, and I LOOK pregnant again. Its disgusting. Ugh. Sorry to rant and unload here. I just needed to get it all out.
