My First Journal
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November 3rd, 2008, 09:11 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
This will be my first entry in what I hope to write in weekly. I'm so happy to have found a place that I can get support from others who are going through the same things.
DH and I started TTC in October. I was so frustrated because for months I had been regular with my AF but when it was due at the end of September, it was 4 days late. I'm never late, so that was weird. We followed the calendar and BD'd several times around O (or at least what we thought was O). A couple of days later, I started to feel really tired........I could barely keep my eyes open at 8 pm! Other symptoms kept popping up throughout the weeks like sore bb, mood swings (literally started crying at a picture of my nieces), fatigue, nausea, etc. Then my AF was 6 days late. I was so excited because I thought that we would be expecting a baby.
We took a test last night, and of course negative. I was devastated and had a hard time explaining to my DH my feelings on the matter. All the symptoms made it feel so real. We were still thinking that possibly it was just too early and could test in a few days. At work today, of course, my AF arrived. I was crying in the bathroom at this point.
It's so frustrating to have all of the feelings and then not actually have any results. I'm know that I'm stressed and that this is not helpful, but I can't stop thinking about it and being sad about it.
On top of it all, everyone around me seems to be as fertile as rabbits. There are 6 people in my office that are or have been pregnant recently.....most of whom got pregnant on an accident or on their first month of trying. My sister just had my wonderful niece at the end of September. I love her very much, but this just made the baby itch get worse.
I feel "behind" in having babies because most of my friends from high school and that are around my age have at least one child if not more. I don't regret waiting to have a child because both my DH and I finally feel ready, but I guess I just had the misconception that it was going to be easy. How come nobody ever tells you that TTC is so difficult?
Anyway, I had to get everything out so hopefully tomorrow I can start to feel better and start planning for this month.........another month of waiting. UGH!!!!!!
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