just need to vent (really long)
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February 8th, 2006, 09:26 AM
Join Date: Feb 2006
over a year ago i met my sons father at a party. at first i really wasnt interested in him but he thought i was cute. my friend had given him her number and he called less than a week later and asked us if we wanted to go to dinner. well i had just eaten and was really tired so i declined but my friend said yes. he then asked to talk to me since i had said no. well after about five minutes of him begging and telling me that he would pay and what not, just so he could see me, i finally agreed. it was really sweet. well one thing led to another and we ended up having a really good time. a couple nights later we ended up hanging out again and he spent the night at my place. the next morning i went and met his family and one of his younger brothers friends asked if i was his new girlfriend. he never really asked me out so i really wasnt sure if this was like a one night thing or not so i told the friend that i would get back to him on that. about an hour later he took me home and on the drive home i asked him about it. he pulled the car over to the side of the road and looked me in the eye. then he said maybe this will clear things up, will you go out with me? i almost started to cry. it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. of course i said yes and we dated for almost seven months. i fell in love him during those seven months and am still madly in love him. well the reason we broke up is because i moved back to seattle after finding out that the college i was going to just wasnt the right one for me. i decided i was going to move back down here and get a job, but he wasnt too happy about this. i told him that i could not afford to live in an apartment where he lives by myself, at least not until i had found a job. (i had been living with him and his family for a few months by this time) and i was hoping (or rather expecting) him to offer either for me to stay with his family or for us to get an apartment together but all he said was that it felt like we were moving too fast. he felt trapped and so he didnt want to live with me, but he didnt want me to move back to seattle because it is an hours drive one way. i told him he had to make a decision because i just couldnt afford to get a place of my own up there. well needless to say he chose for me to move back and for the first couple months it worked out okay. i snuck up to see him (my parents didnt like him or the fact that he lived so far) or he'd come down to see me. then he came less and less often, until one day we just had to break up because we werent really having a relationship. a few months went by and we still talked on the phone a lot. well my parents and i got into a huge fight and i moved into an apartment of my own. when he found this out he started coming down to visit me. (now i know it was so he could get some sex but at the time i thought it was because he wanted to see me) well in those few months i became pregnant. he works as a welder, and was starting to get more work, and i was starting to have a life of my own as well, so he (once again) started coming down less and less. when i first told him that i was pregnant he told me to get an abortion. i refused. i told him that i might be able to give the child up for adoption, but this is a part of me and i could never harm, let alone kill a child so the answer was no. after him not returning any of my calls, i finally found out the sex of the baby. (its a BOY ) and asked if he wanted to know. he said he did so i told him and he seemed really excited then stopped talking to me again for a little while. i asked him if he wanted me to give the child up because i knew i couldnt afford to raise a child on my own. he told me no, that he has just really been busy at work, and we were talking again. then i started asking him about names and he answered the first question, then stopped talking to me agian. well that was it. i have finally given up. i havent tried to call him or text him, and have decided that the next time i am going to try to get in contact with him is when the baby is born (due june) but other than that if he really wants to be a part of his sons life, he needs to get in contact with me. i am considering moving another hous drive south so my grandmother can help take care of my son while i am at work, so i wont have to pay for daycare costs and am still debating on whether or not i am going to let him know. i do think he has the right to know, but i just dont think i can stand to call him and not have him answer, or send a text and never hear back so i think that for now, i am just going to leave things the way they are and not try to get a hold of him. anyway thanks for all of you who took the time to read this and i am so sorry it was so long.
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