I think I'm just acting like a big sucky baby!!
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February 11th, 2006, 06:45 AM
Join Date: Dec 2005
Well well well....I don't even know where to begin. Why is it that whenever I have a concern, or am just in a fowl mood, I can never just be left alone, either to deal with it on my own, or just sort out my own thoughts and figure things out, or just talk about it with those I CARE to talk about it with without things turning into a huge mess.
I've been crying for about 6 hours now...I can't eat or sleep. He called yesterday and I was a little upset because first thing on the phone was "hey Babe, just called to say hi and tell you about my day...so I did this and that, and wow it was so much fun, then tomorrow we're gonna do this, and oh my, everyone is asking about the baby! ect...(about two-three minutes roll by) then Oh, how are YOU?" I just thought it was a little rude so I wasn't really being enthousiastic on the phone considering how I've been feeling this week. He asks me what's wrong, and so I just tell him nothing, but he doesn't buy it, so I just told him the truth: I've had a crappy week, I'm just not really in the best mood right now, sorry." Then he starts being all dramatic and says why should he even bother calling if I'm just going to be blah on the phone...So I told him to do whatever he wants, I'm not forcing him to call, or not call, and that I'm sorry I'm just not feeling good right now...ect.
Anyways, he takes all this as a sign that something is up and that I'm hiding things...so where does he go to get the answers he wants? HERE!! Yup, read this post, and all of your replies. You don't even know how violated I feel! Girls, this was my one and only place I could go and vent, say what I want, get support about it, and not be scared about what anyone thinks or about the questions I ask or when I just need to vent, because no one knows me and everyone here has been sooooo incredible!! Now, my safe place isn't safe anymore! I've never felt so horrible before...He breached my privacy, and he knew it! But did it anyways, calls me at whatever time last night, and gets super dramatic about what I said about his mom's comment about the baby being a girl (said it was just a joke, to which I replied it WASN'T F*CKING FUNNY...it's about as funny as the time she "jokingly" called his bro's g/f ugly at lunch...yeah...sorry but not everyone (or anyone) is in tune to that kind of humour!!) and not only about what I said, but about you all said in response! How you guys "don't know what the heck you're talking about, you have no idea what the situation is, you only hear MY side of things and it's not fair that it's all one sided....ect...) So not only do I not feel like what I say here stays here, but what he used to think was a great place for me to go and talk to others who are pregnant, he now doesn't like anymore and he doesn't want our lives on the internet (to which I replied, "what about the website you made of the baby pictures and my pregnant tummy! There's a pic there with me in my bra! My FACE is on there and tons of your friends and family saw that, and yet you're worried about what STRANGERS think of you and your family??!!) All over something that I was just venting about and had no intention of ever even bringing up to him because like the title said "I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST ACTING LIKE A LITTLE SUCKY BABY!" Now this whole mom bullsh*t is back up in the air where it doesn't belong...Just when I thought things were finally getting better, because at least now there was no pressure to be close with her. But apparently he still expects me to love her and not EVER say or think anything that might be negative about what she says or does!! What the f*ck is the difference? Me being forced to be her best friend when NEITHER of us want it, or me not being able to even just vent to my friends and people I trust because he'll invade that and start crap with me again and start the mom thing ALL OVER AGAIN! Both are just as bad! I can't do anything anymore without him spying or whatever! Now this whole thing is my fault again and it's just never ever ever going to be over! Then I just flat out told him that while he's at it, go back to a few weeks, and months ago...If he REALLY wants to hear some serious Mom bashing, he'd find it there! Then he actually has the gaul to tell me "I'm not into going through your personal stuff!!!!!" I can't even explain how much that comment ENRAGES ME especially after he JUST F*CKING DID JUST THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!
To top it off, he sent me an instant message on MSN saying "since we're on the topic (about having our lives on the internet or how he doesn't want people knowing about our lives or whatever) that my MSN picture was no longer appropriate or appreciated (it's a really nice shot of my butt at the beach in a bathing suit that I'm quite proud of, and he kept telling me was so hot...) and how he doesn't like all of my MSN contacts seeing it. These people are my friends!! My family! These are MY people and who the hell is he to tell me what picture I can have there? I can put a NAKED picture of me if I really want and it's none of his stupid business! And yet he's never had a problem with it before...He used to really like it....He's making me feel so ugly by telling me to take it off, like as if I'm some wh*re who's just showing off her butt to the world...I've told him sooo many times how much I like that picture because when I'm all big and fat and yucky (like now and how I'll be after this baby comes out) I'll look back at that picture and be like "wow!!! Look at my butt there! I was hot once!" and now he's taking THAT away from me too.
Well, I figured I'd post this just to say that I don't know when I'll be back...Well, I'll be back to read and chech up on all of you since you've been sooooooooooooooo awesome! But I don't know if I'll be posting again. I just don't feel "safe" here like I used to. He made nice and sure to ruin that for me. Thank you all sooooooo much! And who knows, maybe in a bit, you may here from me again!
Thanks again for EVERYTHING!!!!! Take care! I love you guys!
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