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January 2nd, 2009, 09:00 AM
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SarahBethsMommy SarahBethsMommy is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I think everyone is afraid of facing the day their child passed. It's just so hard in so many ways. To have another child who you need to be "happy" for on that day is compounding the sadness.

I have a good friend whose twin daughters were born premature. Melissa died a few hours after her birth, but Ann Catherine is now 4 years old and doing great. She says that she wakes up extra early on that day to cry. She spends time writing a letter to Melissa and grieving before Ann Catherine wakes up. Then she says she tries to make the day all about Ann Catherine. They always do something as a family like releasing butterflies or balloons to remember Melissa, but otherwise the whole day is for Ann Catherine.

I don't know if that helps you in anyway. I'm sorry you can't just celebrate both your children's lives. It isn't in anyway fair!

On Bryan Luke's angelversary we bought real flowers and happy birthday balloon and put it on his grave. Then we went and purchased some books for the local NICU (where our daughter stayed after her birth) and took those up there. Then that evening we went back to the grave and our daughter released the balloon. It was a great day for us. Even through the sadness I was doing things to remember my son and help others too.
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