Denied Access.... Again
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January 12th, 2009, 12:06 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Again, I would have to disagree with Chantelle. I am more mother to my DSD then her bio-mom. I am the one that has taken her to the dr when she is sick. I am the one that takes her to the dr for her shots and well-visits. I am the one that takes her to the eye dr and gets her glasses (3 pairs now). I am the one that gives DSD medicine if she doesn't feel well. I am the one that gives her allergy medicine. At bio-mom's house, she gives benadryl when sick....to knock the kid out so she isn't a hassle. The last time biomom took DSD to dr for a well-visit was when she was 15 mo (maybe younger). The last time biomom had to hold DSD when getting shots was that long too. The last time biomom took DSD to a dr when she was sick was Feb 2006. Most times, she runs DSD to the ER for minor things, but she doesn't even do that anymore.
All situations vary of course, but there is no reason why a step-parent cannot fill the roll of parent in their household. Co-parenting, in my experience, is crap. Our house is structured and well-run. DSD knows the rules. SHe knows the consequences. Bio-mom has no set rules. DSD gets put in the corner or smacked with a belt if she breaks a rule. Scratch that, if she bothers mom. There are no rules. It is random punishment. DSD is homeschooled per bio-mom, but I do more schooling than she does. Easy to get a child to pass into the next grade when step-mom is the one teaching DSD. Anytime DH discusses co-parenting with his ex, she doesn't want to hear it. SHe doesn't care about consistency for DSD. Even when we tell her that HONESTLY, we don't have ANY of the problems with DSD that she has, she doesn't want to hear it.
Bio-mom tells DSD ALL the time now that I am the best step-mom. SHe tells me that I am more than she could have hoped for because I love my DSD as my own. I treat her as my own. DSD calls me mom and mommy now more often. SHe says when she calls me that, it means she has 2 mommies.
AS DH's ex has said "if you show up every 1st, 3rd and 5th Friday, I HAVE to give DSD, no ifs ands or buts." The court papers state the visitation rights. There is no "if child is unwell" clause. WE have every right to her and we take her PERIOD. Unfortunately, DH's ex hasn't made too drastic a mistake with DSD yet. It's a bunch of smaller things that all add up to bad parenting. Is it enough to get custody? I don't know. Is our household 100 times more stable, loving, and productive then bio-mom's household? ABSOLUTELY HANDS DOWN YES.
There are bio-parents in this world that treat their children like pawns in a game. Whether the reason be revenge or manipulation...who knows why. When, as a step-parent, you care more about the child's well-being than their birth parent, it is frustrating and infuriating. But when I said "I do" to my husband, I knew that I was taking on a DSD and an ex. I said I do to a family. I pledged to love my DH thru good times and bad. Bad times include his ex and all the fury of that situation. My life would be much easier if I stepped back and let the situation go. But I would lose out on the love of a child. I would lose out on being a stable mother figure in her life. I would be saying to DH that I don't give a rat's *ss about how his child turns out. DSD will become a stronger more independent woman because I am in her life, as a mother. Without me taking that role, she would be a lost cause. Unfortunately, courts don't see that as good motivation to take a child away. They don't care if the child becomes a blight on society. COurts care that the child will live.
In Texas, step-parents are a great factor in custody. My friend LOST custody of her children because the judge believed her husband at that time (the children's step-father), was a bad influence. He was not abusive. The court decided that the bio-father and his wife were better for the children than the bio-mother and her husband.
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