In April of 2003, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years and I thought that my life was going to END because we weren't together anymore. I met another guy and we started dating in July. It was a long distance thing and it worked for me because to visit him, I could escape from what was going on around me. When we started having sex, I didn't really want to but I thought if I did, that he would love me (and thats what I was really looking forward to). I got pregnant during labor day weekend and realized about a month and a half later. I thought to myself "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!". At this point, the guy and I were not really talking (not a bad falling out, just not interested in the long distance thing anymore). I felt like I was finally getting my life back on track and here I was, pregnant and 19.
When I was about 5 months pregnant, I told him what was going on. Immediately, he said that it wasn't his and that he was sorry that I was trying to "pin it on him". I knew, even when telling him, that I was going to be giving the baby up for adoption. So I wasn't too hurt by what he was saying, just hurt for the baby.
I gave birth on May 28th and found out it was a little girl. She weighed in at 7lbs, 2 oz and the moment that I held her, I knew that I was making the right decision. My dad was waiting right outside the door during delivery and when he saw me holding her, he kept saying to me "We can do this if you really want to." You would think this would have made my decision even harder, but it made it so much easier.
I met with an adoption counselor the next morning and she brought in profiles of families. I looked through them all in the room and passed them around to each family member and had them each choose one. I wanted this it be OUR decision since my whole family would be involved in this. We all chose the same family.
They lived about 3 hours away from the hospital and the adoption counselor left immediately to give her a call. She came back about 15 minutes later, very frustrated and said that she was unable to get in touch with her but she would try back in a few minutes. 5 minutes later, her cell rang and she ducked out into the hallway. It turns out the adoptive mom, a flight attendant, was actually in town and was getting ready to board a flight. She just happened to check her messages and she was on her way. Her husband was back at home and she had to send her neighbor to go find him on the golf course to tell him what was going on.
The best moment was when Amy walked in the hospital room door. I had all of my family around me, we were all cooing over the baby and she came right in and sat down right next to me. We were talking and I asked her 'Do you want to hold your daughter?" and she said "Oh...its a GIRL??". She had been so excited that she hadn't even asked on the phone if it was a boy or a girl. Mike soon joined us a few hours later and seeing a marine hold a baby like he was going to break it was quite hilarious.
We have an open adoption, and although I don't live in NC any longer, they send me pictures every month. My grandparents live just an hour away and they are very involved in Kates life. 2 years ago, they adopted another little girl and Kate is just thriving being a big sister. She knows who I am and that she is adopted. I actually just got to visit her last week and she is just so smart. I told her that she was getting so big and she said "Well, I grow a little every night!".
My only fear is that I was unable to find the birth father to let him know what happened. I feel horribly guilty over it but it was his choice not to be involved I guess. Kate will be 5 this May and none of my information has changed (same email, same phone) so if he really wanted to know, he could have contacted me.
I am now getting married on Friday to an absolutely wonderful man. My soon to be hubby knows my whole story and he is very understanding and supportive about it. He wants to start a family in the next few months, which I am totally okay with. Kids are something that are very important to him and I. I am starting to worry how its going to feel to be pregnant again...to be excited...to have people to truly share with it...to get attached to the baby. I am also hoping that I can find a doctor that I can explain to them that I was pregnant before, but this is MY first pregnancy. I never took any sonogram pictures home, I never got excited over the heartbeat, I never wanted to know if it were a boy or a girl. So this time around, its all mine and Matt's and something we get to eagerly share together.
And that is my long story.
