New TS feeling Frustrated!
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March 27th, 2009, 11:50 PM
Join Date: Mar 2009
I'm a new TS and working independently with great couple. I am thrilled to be a surrogate and have put 110% of myself into giving them the long awaited family they've been dreaming about.
We are doing at home AI. The IM is using a speculum (first couple tries monitored by their Doctor friend). We have been trying for 5 mos.
My frustration: I feel like I'm more dedicate to the process than they are at times. They are a 5.5 hour drive from me and the last couple cycles I have gone to them. At first I was clock work regular and it was very easy to predict my ovulation and plan. The last couple cycles I was a little late ovulating.
I have taken time off work (without pay since I'm out of PTO). Last cycle I was there for five days and no ovulation. I had to go home. The VERY next morning after I got home my monitor peaked. I literally got right in the car at 7:30am and drove right back up there for an insem and turned around and drove home the same day. In all I drove 17 hours in a 24 hr period.
Not pregnant. This cycle I'm due to ovulate a week from today. I can't take more time off work so I offered to come most of the way on Thursday evening and have them drive a mere 2 hours to met me, do an insem and drive home.
They are not willing to do it and want to just skip this month because they have been stressed with work.
I feel like I'm putting something into this every single day with the charting, checking my cervix, peeing on sticks, eating right, taking vitamins and exercising to prepare my body for pregnancy & carrying a healthy baby for them. All I need is for them to show up once a month on the critical ovulation days.
It bothers me because I've put so much into this and have been so easy to work with and I'm not getting the same level of dedication from them. I offered to do this at home so no Dr's fees, I didn't insist on an escrow account so no escrow manager fees for them. I always thinking of their wallet.
I've put so much time into research to be sure we have the best chance each month. I never even told them that I took all that time off without pay (I lost over $1,000 in wages). Now they want to skip this month and it makes me feel like all the mental energy I have put into preparing for this insem was a waste of my time.
They want me to take clomid (which I guess I'm okay with, but again it's another potential risk for me).
I guess I'm a little hurt that I have done so much and they almost seem to not realize it and I feel like they are starting to take me for granted.
There are a few more little things eating at me. The speculum insems are a little tough. IM is not a Dr so at times it is pretty uncomfortable not to mention pretty embarrassing and humiliating for me to be naked and sprawled out for her. I never let on to her that it's an issue. Just the opposite in fact. I constantly tell her she is doing a great job and try to be encouraging so she is comfortable even though it is really uncomfortable for me. To sorta reeve my self up for it, I try to make a joke (I'm a total clown) and bring some levity to it and my IM just won't even kidd with me about it. It's almost like it's some dreaded "chore" for her that she just wants to get over with and she has even mentioned that it has grossed her out. That makes me feel even worse.
I know everyone will say that I just need to have a dialogue with them, but what if I create drama and hurt feelings when saying nothing and sucking it up could be better and I can just vent here to get my frustrations out.
Thanks for listening and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
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