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May 27th, 2009, 10:01 PM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cali, baby!
So, I just searched back through 50 pages to make sure I hadn't introduced myself once already lol. I was invited here a while ago and never made it over. I stopped coming around and recently returned (I do that with JM, I don't know why. Don't do it to any of my other boards) and realized how close I am getting to having this baby and could probably really use some support -- especially since I don't have a clue what I'm going to do!
Here's my history: I'm 25, have 6.5 year old boy/girl twins and a 20 month old baby boy.
The twins were born when I was 18. I had been on bedrest for 5 months, was terrified one or both of them were going to die (too much Baby Story) and pretty much followed my doctors leads. I was very high risk because of age and the fact that there were two. Then my cervix started shortening very quickly, very early on (around 4 months), so they put me on strict bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. I was allowed to stay home, but only because I lived with my step-mom at the time who is a Neonatal nurse who my peri worked with often. Things went smoothly after that, except around 36 weeks, my ankles and body started ballooning. After a quick check at my 38 week appt, it was determined that my blood pressure was skyrocketing and I was spilling protein into my urine. I was pre-eclamptic, so they chose an immediate induction. I was excited, to be honest. Not about being sick, but about being done being pregnant. I was miserable and humongous and ready to meet my babies. They induced me and I got an epidural at 4cm. Never even felt any pain. I pushed them both out in 30 minutes (with a brief waiting period to be sewn up in between) and distinctly remember my doc saying it was the "perfect twin delivery."
After that experience, which wasn't bad at all ... I knew when I had another child, I wanted it to be different. I didn't know why.. or how, but I just knew deep down that I never wanted to go through another birth that way. My husband was active duty army for almost 5 years and after having gone through the twins pregnancy/labor/delivery without him, I knew I never wanted to do THAT again, either. So we prevented the whole time he was in, but the second he went on his 30 day leave just before being released, we got pregnant again. Not planned, but definitely not unwanted. I joined a birth club a few weeks after finding out about the pregnancy and learned a lot about birth and women and our bodies and pretty much everything I was looking for with the twins, I found with my next pregnancy. I was so excited! Because of our circumstances, a home birth was out of the question. Not to mention, I'd previously had a very high risk pregnancy, so I wasn't quite sure I was ready to go it alone. I went back to my same doctor, had a very uneventful pregnancy and went into labor (finally!) at 42weeks 2 days. I birthed in a hospital and it was a lot better than my first delivery, but still not quite what I was hoping for. Yes, I had a completely natural childbirth (cept the doc broke my water without asking to speed things up) and I was able to spend every second possible with my newborn after all was said and done, but there were still some things missing. I hated the looks I got from the nurses when they found out I was refusing pain meds. I hated the, "Y'know, it wouldn't hurt so bad if only you'd let us 'help' you..." comments I got when I would groan from a contraction. I didn't like the complete lack of support for going against what they wanted me to do. It was annoying and frustrating and not something that should be any part of something so special.
We planned to have another baby close in age to Reicher (Ry-KeR) because we wanted him to have a baby brother/sister who he could grow up with. The twins have a special bond that he'll never be able to be a part of and we wanted something similar for him. Getting pregnant again right away wasn't something we wanted, but it happened anyhow, when Reicher was just 6 months old. We were shocked, but excited. Unfortunately, that pregnancy was lost at just under 6 weeks. After that, we knew another baby was something we both really wanted, just not quite yet. So we turned to NFP and stayed baby free until October, when we decided we really wanted to have another one. We decided to stop preventing, but not really try and see what happened. Lo and behold, just around Thanksgiving, I got a positive HPT!
Even before getting pregnant this time, I knew I wanted to birth at home. I called the only midwife in my area that does homebirths and spoke with her about it. She wanted 4,000 for care, total. Not too bad, but not something we thought we could pull off, either. We moved about 5 hours away and realized NO midwives in this area offer homebirth. Great.
I'm now 30 weeks and without a clue how to do what I want to do without it being dangerous. Not to mention, even if we found a midwife who was willing to homebirth -- at this point, would she/he even want to help me? I'm terrified I'm going to end up in the hospital again and that is the last thing that I wanted. This is most likely our last baby and I want it to go exactly how I had envisioned it all these years (water birth at home) and now I'm fairly sure that's not even a possibility anymore.
So, there's my very long story. Hope I haven't scared anyone off with my ability to chat (type). If there is any advice/knowledge out there about my situation, I will gladly listen to what you have to say. Other than that, I'm here to read all your stories and get inspiration/courage to do a NCB -- even if it has to be in a stinkin' hospital!
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